Hash Words Feb 9

Posted by Plunger : Sunday, Feb 10, 2019
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1701

Hared by Mountme,
Meet at 1415, Saturday, 09-February-2019, in the Cates Park Lot in North Vancouver off Dollarton Highway.

Cool weather but Sub-Zero wind chill temperatures and a gorgeous sunny day didn't deter a veritable gaggle of hashers from the prospect of a run in N Vancouver. Mountme's typical modus operandi is off-pavement, scenic and well developed with trails for Walkers, Turkeys and Eagles, and so it was - 8 km, of which 2.5 k was the first Falsie, along the trails towards Deep Cove, back through Cates Park and along the new trails S of the old McKenzie Barge property then, up through Ravenwood, to the school off Mt Seymour Parkway. From there, down through new trails to the BC at the entrance to the park. Of the 15,000,000 marks Mountme claimed to have laid approximately 14,000,900 were invisible but enough remained to test the deductive reasoning of some of the world's smartest hashers, and some others. By combing the double digit IQs of the former with the singles of the latter into a coherent mass a single bibulous organism was created with sufficient capacity to keep defeet moving to a successful conclusion.

Mountme, hare, there are fifteen million marks on this run...
Sheep Shagger, s'not good but better out than in.
Goat Fucker, injured but lame and game.
Manhole, Blacker & Decker Pecker Wrecker to the fore.
Beaheader, wherefore art thou? Bugger that, where am I?
Hardon, he has the bump-gut, and enough duck down for a duvet.
Golden Showers, in town from Kamloops for a lube job.
Banshee, A Scot at heart.
Abysmal, damned peanuts.
Impaler, I am.
Low Blow, aaaah, looooove.
Do Me First, muuuuuuuuuuum!
Pylon, Antarctic adventurer.
Porno Prick & Mr.P, on loan.
Plunger, a diesel Jetta, no way!
Analyser, my car is falling apart.

P2 ra'd and everyone received their just desserts, left overs from Halloween. Porno ate his weight in Smarties - when did they invent blue Smarties? From there we adjourned to the New Raven for a feast and $3/16oz beers - can't beat that!

Good job Mountme, thanks for that. Next week's hare is Pylon, aided and abetted by Mr.P. Stay tuned, watch this channel.

On On On!
Posted by Plunger on 02/10 at 09:25 AM

Vancouver hash House Harriers presents Mount Me’s Cates Park Hash

Posted by Plunger : Wednesday, Jan 30, 2019
The next running of the Vancouver Hash House Harriers will be Saturday, February 9 @ 2:15 PM.
The run will start in North Vancouver at Cates Park, 200 Block of Dollarton Highway- North Vancouver.
Your hare will be Mount Me. Expect a classic deep cove run with Shiggy, forest trails, snow and beer that is way too cold for down downs.
There will be a trail for all albilities, walker, turkey, and eagle!
The On On will be at a new/old place- The Raven Public House, 1052 Deep Cove Road. It has been taken over Deep Cove Brewing so it will be a new experience at one of the longest standing On On locations in Vancouver Hashing History.
Posted by Plunger on 01/30 at 08:35 PM

Hash Words Jan 26

Posted by Plunger : Sunday, Jan 27, 2019

Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1691, perhaps.

Hared by Captain Hymen Grinder, 1415, Saturday, 26-January-2019.

Meet at Production Way Sky Train Station, Just to the North, at the green triangle on the West side of Production Way. No, wait, make that on the SE corner of Brighton and Lougheed in the little business mall. Nope, wait. Oh, my god, it's SO fucking confusing, let's meet on the SW side of Brighton Street, South of Lougheed; which is not an obvious meeting place for anyone, let along a bunch of hashers...

Our heads were spinning, and no, it wasn't the dope we were smoking, it was the dope setting the run! Pylon and I walked with Mr.P leading the way from Chez Pylonicus Maximus to Production Way, right at the last minute we were passed by 3D who was gesticulating as only a man driving BMW can do - sparingly. From a distance we saw what looked like a a tame beaver being followed by M'Alice and having crossed the intersection several times we decided that once more would be OK and, finally, we found them. It wasn't Tame Beaver (we wished it were) but the Captain suffering from Bieber Fever, it was Team Bieber!

Captain Hymen Grinder, Hare, speaking Bieberish
Sheep Shagger, I fell off my bike and cracked a couple of ribs and they hurt
Dangler, all 186 pounds of him and the energy and speed of a diabetic 19lb pussy
Plunger, head spinning, and watching Dangler waving at him and thinking to himself: I will not wave at a man in a hoody
Beheader, found at the side of the road searching for Harvey, the invisible 6ft rabbit
Porno Prick, we've been through this before
3D, a man with blue shoes, really funky blue shoes
M'Alice, Hey, Missing Link says why..?
Pylon & MrP, stick with me

The hare's instructions were clearly the result of an infatuation. Bieber this, Bieber that, Bieber the other. We speculated it might be a error in pronunciation, and that there would be Beaver everywhere, but no, Bieber it was. South, East, North up Gagliardi, West to the Bieber, I mean Beer Check, under the tracks. Shagger, Dangler and P2 retired to Degeraat for beers and jerky. We were able to share useful advice with Dangler on the topic of fitness and munching on jerky reminded us that wanking probably produces the same energy as walking a mile, and that henceforth and forthwith he should always wear his pedometer on the wrist to which his wanking hand. Is attached. Not just good advice, but free to.

Down Downs were held adjacent to the Sky Train Station, Shagger led the proceedings and we imbibed sparingly to respect the Bieberishness of the whole affair. We wondered why only Eight hashers turned-up when the run was clearly posted on F'book. Ah, not on the website. Thoughts turned to warm pubs, beer and food, Degeraat does not serve the latter. So, Stan's Pizza it was. Not the perfect venue as the CO2 was crook, but still, there was Pilsner and coffee. A good time was had by all and we staggered off with full bellies and a good laugh.

Thank you Captain Hymen Grinder, and long may your Bieber-Geist bring you spiritual well-being. The rest of us will be leave it in beaver.

On On On!

Next week's hare is known only unto herself - but rumour has it she is blonde and maybe moving to N Vancouver.
Posted by Plunger on 01/27 at 09:43 AM

Hash Words Jan 19

Posted by Plunger : Friday, Jan 25, 2019
Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1687, well, maybe.
1415, Saturday, 19-January-2019.

Hared by Sheep Boy, aka Shagger.
Meet at 26th and Wallace, Vancouver West.

Rong Jon, I woke up bruised and with a couple of broken ribs, but now I'm OK
Nate, visiting from Ikaluwit, winked and said Hardon is a friend...
Rubbermaid, fresh from Peru
3D, was detached, now made whole again
Maple Dick, fresh from the Hacienda
Captain Hymen Grinder, next week's hare
Goat Fucker, preparing for damned good beard trimming
Hardon, a man with a bony thumb and LargeArse
Juicy Beaver, Jakartarette
Beaver Turd, Gibsonian
Pylon, and Mr.P
Porno Prick, ah, pavement
Squid Lips, a man about to have time on his hands
Analyser, very much in the pink and about to become a North Vancouverite
Manhole, at the Dunbar
His Shaggersihness, the hare
Special Needs, on his way to a vegan dinner

Drove to Abbotsford for the Motorcycle Show before the Hash. So did 20,000 others. 20 minutes to get to Abbotsford, 1 hour to get from the TCH1 to the parking lot. 35 minutes at the show. Back to Vancouver. Takes aways: mullets, tattoos, facial hair, bellies, loud and grey, the women dressed like retired pole dancers except for the ones that are still pole dancing. Septuagenarians bestraddled honking great mo'bikes. Getting off required friends to lift the offside leg over. The whole place was full of men bouncing up and down on mo'bikes, turning the handle bars and behaving like excited 5 year olds. Reminded me of the Hash.

Shagger was using his patented birds' foot markings, 3 for a Falsie, 2 for a Back Check, 4 for a check. Off we sped towards 16th reversing course to pass within 5M of our parked cars then over to 28th and into the Endowment Lands, over a chain link fence, along the trails lined with excited walkers and their doggies, some of the marks were rubbed out, some anticipated a beer check as far East of the start as it was to the West, oops. Finally, we were all gathered at 29th and Wallace for the BC for what was undoubtedly the finest run since last week. Chips galore, beer cooler stuffed with all the right stuff and softies, LargeArse woofed and woofed and woofed, Mr.P ran about like a lumberjack on a mission. Eventually we set off for the start and Down Downs by Captain Hymen Grinder.

The Beaver family sang about Iran Jaya and we all hummed. Punishments aplenty were handed out and in no time the warmth of the Dunbar called. Special Needs ambled in before dinner with cousins. The girl sitting next to us interrupted to ask if we were hashers... her mum, Bouncing Boobs, ran with us two weeks ago.

Food appeared and was instantly ravished, fingers licked, faces filled, beers were slurped, the waitress looked on with horror as the Captain raised his salt cellar to re-live the moment of Assault and Pepper after exchanging chip missiles with Hardon, but all was well. A good time was had by all.

Well done Shagger! Thanks, mate.

Next week's hare is Captain Hymen Grinder and he is advertising a Caribou Park start.

On On On!
Posted by Plunger on 01/25 at 08:12 AM

Hash Words for Jan 1

Posted by Plunger : Wednesday, Jan 02, 2019
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run Number 1684, or something like it...
New Year's Day - 1st January, 2019, hared by M'Alice.

Our seasoned hare, who is thinking of turning professional, turned in a bravo performance, simply without doubt the best run of the year. Dangler, dressed all in black with hoody, dark glasses and a machine gun tucked under his coat - no wait, I think he was just happy to see us, Sheep Shagger, Nemo, Missing Link, Canadian Club, Sex with the Beast, and P2 circled the park looking for the hare. Suddenly, like a rabbit drawn from a tall hat he was amongst us with tales of woe and calumny. Yes, it is true, he has cancelled all his credit cards and now walks the street penniless with only a head of curly hair (yes, really), a hundred beers and a handful of Nemo's Brie to sustain him. This sudden and unexpected turn of events came about about 500M from the end of the run when M'Alice reached into his pocket for the comforting touch of a bulging wallet, only to find a handful of nuts. "Buggeration", he said, "I must have dropped it." So, back around the trail he went, twice, but no wallet to be found. Then, with fear gnawing hungrily at his entrails he returned to the sanctuary of his castle and began calling banks and such like cancelling this and terminating that... then, a funny thing happened. "Wait," he said to himself, "maybe I should check the jacket I wore last night...", and lo, the greatest, bestest gift he could have possibly imagined for the New Year was in his hands. But, alas, it was too late, cards cancelled, DDs deaded, bridges burned, etc, etc, you get the message.

Shagger forgot to bring any money, M'Alice forgot to bring water or soft drinks. Still, we who are unworthy will undoubtedly face similar trials of our own.

The trail ran West to The footbridge over TC1 to Rupert Pitch & Putt, South by the Sikh Temple, through the co-op housing to Rupert Station and then East along the bike trail to Gilmore, a dog leg onto Still Creek Road and back onto the bike trail. At this point the trail made a discrete turn to the North across the railroad to the beer check; which Shagger and Dangler by dint of a daring shortcut attended. The balance of the hounds confounded by the discretion met back at the start cheered by a gift of potato chips from Dangler ("I don't do carbs") to M'Alice ("I don't do carbs"), and Brie and biscuits from Nemo and Missing Link - thank heavens for Christmas leftovers! Shagger left to continue an assault on a pail of spaghetti, Dangler presumably to the garden since daughter is home from Dalhousie, M'Alice to ruminate on the 24 kilometres he covered for the Hash and in searching for his "lost" wallet.

Alls well that ends well. Well done M'Alice!
On On On into 2019, next week's hare is Banshee, and Plunger the week after that.
Posted by Plunger on 01/02 at 12:52 PM

Hash Words Dec 29

Posted by Plunger : Sunday, Dec 30, 2018
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers Post Christmas & Pre New Year's Day Run,
Run 1683, possibly. 1415, Saturday, 29-December-2018

Forget drowned rats, the hare had to wear scuba gear to set this one. The rain fell in sheets, puddles became ponds and rivers that could be waded on Thursday were up 3M. Mr.P didn't even have to jump in the river - it came to him. Hands dipped in flour became massive misshapen maws. Then, at 1400 the rain ceased, the clouds sped away to the South and the Sun shone, wanly at first but warm enough for the cockles of my heart.

His Excellency Shaggarish, Banshee, Plunger, Captain Hymen Grinder, 1/4 Cup visiting from Mira Loma, Makes his own Gravy and Bouncing Boobs (sorry, this might be wrong but the bobbing was a distraction) from Salt Lake City, M'Alice, Beheader, Mountme, Dirty Hari briefly on the way home to bed, and Pylon at the On On On. This was an astonishing turn-out, but of course not undeserved.

We met where the Baden-Powell Trail crosses Old Lillooet Road, there was just enough parking for everyone - evidently the Hash Gods were with us, and... no one was lost; which means I don't have to come back on Tuesday.

At 1430 precisely, the hounds sped off to the North, diving into the bushes by the Old Shooting Range, down into the river valley complete with stream crossings, the odd twig or two, and a glorious view of the waterfall cascading out fully 10M from the high point. Then, along the river bank to the brand new suspension bridge replacing the old Twin Bridges, up the Baden Powell onto the bluff where 1/4 Cup was accosted by a woman demanding to know why he was wearing a skirt. A question not far from our own minds, and then by a series of ridge trails back down to Fisherman's, across the Lynn at the top of Riverside Drive, up the new steps and along the rough trails on the East side of the ridge and finally to the beer check tucked away in the back of beyond and out of sight of curious onlookers... The gift that only a potato can give was washed down with Czech, Slovakian, Dutch, Danish, and Chinese beers. Down Downs back at the cars led by Kapitan Jungfernhäutchens Muehle with the usual important transactions accomplished satisfactorily, and finally to the Maplewood for more beer.

Maybe Pylon will be setting the New Year's Day Hash?
On On!
Posted by Plunger on 12/30 at 12:14 AM

2019 Hareline

Posted by Plunger : Saturday, Dec 29, 2018
Jan 1 - Malice
Jan 5 - Banshee
Jan 12 - Plunger
Jan 19 - Sheep Shagger
Jan 26 - Captain Hymen Grinder
Posted by Plunger on 12/29 at 07:04 PM

Monthly Archives


Advanced Search