Lotus Land #200??
Monday, July 09, 2012
The Lotus Land Hash House Harriers
1415, Saturday, 07-July-2012, 3852 Boundary Road
Virgin hare Marcus left the house and headed East into silicon valley, Porno led a gang of skivers off on a short-cut and only he survived the subsequent bushwhacking over a chain link fence and through the brambles to rejoin the trail. Then over Willingdon at the great chinese noodle place and into the brush again. Very exciting and once again Porno bushwhacked through to the other side emerging bloodied by a thousand cuts but unbowed. From there more East over Wayburne to Royal Oak and U-turn back to the sub-division just before Wayburne, then N, W, and suddenly there was beer! Maple did half the trail backwards but still made the beer check.
Excellent run, really enjoyed it - 61/2/10 for a virgin effort.
Goes Down Easy, Manntracker (later), Sex with the Beast (walker), Rita, Kiss My Delectible Furry Butt Cheeks & Rarely Comes, Marcus (hare), Plunger, Maple Dick, Analyser, Malice, Beheader (much, much, later), Maple Dick, Porno Prick, Cream Puff & Kate, M'Alice, Porno Prick, Mr. Aw Fuck It & YFI, Banshee, Abysmal (later), Manhole & Goat Fucker, Pero & Pylon, Sheep Shagger, Pigeon Stool & Low Blow all made it to the hash.
From there to Marcus' garden for Down Downs, lots of punishments and chit-chattering followed by complete loss of attention. Miss My Ass took over and had the throng hard up against a metaphorical fence with the end of her erudite lance poking in their noses. Silence reigned and more punishments were meted out to all these and a load of irish/Ozzy/Maori//New Zealanders/vegetarians/a guy called Thor/a guy called Gord/a girl called Emily, and so on partygoers.
Hail to Kiss My Ass. Anyway, that's about it and then the real fun started.
There were three main highlights, and I am not going to include Goat Fucker's revelations about travelling inhabitants from Lesbos - and anyway I discussed it with Maple and he doesn't think so at all, at all. Nor will I discuss the Shagger Stagger, nor the mortally wounding effects of scoobie doobie do on certain hot tub specialists.
(1) Maple Schmekl had reached the zenith of his powers aided by seven pints of beer. This makes him irresistible to women of any age. Unfortunately, and I don't know how to say this nicely, but Herr Schmekl is cursed or blessed according to your position with the tendency to tactlessness and 'teasing' behaviour. Having ingratiated himself into a young lady partygoer's graces, monopolizing her against hot competition for many a long minute, he then proceeded to explain to her laconically that she should start offering S & M Clincs at $300/session. I could see her brain entering a phase of mulling-it-over, followed by a hardening of the eyes and a pursing of the lips, and then by a look that conveys the same expression AFI had on his face when he realized that he had stepped in a dog's poop at the beer check. Maple was swiftly consigned to a heavily guarded outer planet that does not orbit around her social sun. Oh well.
2). Pero, the world's best dog and owner of Pylon exhibits great learning skills. Throw a stick over a fence and he'll jump the fence two or three times, but the fourth time he'll just go around the end… see what I mean? So, I throw a stick onto the top of the garage, dog jumps on hot tub but unable to make the leap from it to the garage roof, Pylon assists, dog sees the light and the next time dog leaps from ground-to-hottub cover-to-garage roof. After a few trial runs dog appears to fly from ground to roof. "Stop throwing your sticks on my garage roof", says Marcus, "it's fucked and he'll damage it". Unfortunately, the party goers have seen Pero in action and everyone demands a go - everyone and Pero are very happy. Marcus, getting things ready for hot tubbery later, meanwhile opens-up the hot tub and lays the cover to one side. Pero is pre-occupied munching rib-bones but returns to action after a brief rest and he flies after a stick tossed onto the garage roof but… but no hot tub cover! Pero lands heavily in the warming water. He is god smacked, soaking wet, embarrassed by our laughs, and then outraged at such trickery. By the way, the hot tub was GOOD but the hottie never got in it, she being being 'spiritually drained' by 2130 and slung over Manntracker's shoulder for a ride home.
3). Plunger requires about twelve pints to get to the place that Maple only needs seven pints to get to. Throw in a couple of cocktails, and then a whiff of scoobie doobie do and Plunger is a different man. But, like all good things too much of a good thing can be bad for you and by 2200 Plunger was reeling around like a whirling dervish crossed with a teeter-totter and free of female encumbrances. It was interested to note that both Schmekl and Plunger were attracted to the same girl. She smoked two giant doobies that would laid out half the hash after just two tokes, drank loads of beer and was in far better shape than either of them were - in fact I think she said she was going out to dinner later - munch, munch.
So, there you have it. A pleasant run, awesome host and a brilliant party. No body got hurt although Silva beat Chael (as Maple Schmekl remarked: "always bet on the black man") I am assuming that Shagger, Maple and Plunger made it home? Kiss My Ass and Rarely Comes were in fine form, it is pity that KMA cannot drive a car properly, we should limit her speed and fit cow catchers front and rear. Banshee deserves special recognition for ferrying folk around very selflessly. Thank you, sir!
On On Marcus (one day you get named)
Monday's run is No.1340 and will be hared by Marcus from the same start as the Louts Land H3 - 3852 Boundary Street
Posted by Plunger
on 07/09 at 06:11 PM
June 25 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run 17866 of 9 at 6.15pm/6.45pm
June 24 at Mahon and 21st
Hared by Impaler, Wifi, AFI
Substitute scribe KMAsscheeks
At this, the biannual Hawaiian hash, all the hares gathered looking remarkably like a retirement party from Florida decked out in flowery bras and some seriously questionable shirts. Along with the enthusiastic hares there was yours truly, Marcus, Maple Doink, Visitor from Chile Canuck Puc, Abysmal, Too Much Head, Spencer Cash Man (name?) Cream Puff and Filling (non runner,something about penicillin) Plunger, Pylon and his much loved mentally challenged mongrel, Low Blow and Lucifer, Goes Down remarkably Easy, Banshee scabs and all, Malice bites and all, Steptoe, the lovely Rita, the right hon. Man who Fucks Goats, Dangleberry, Beheader, Manntracker (joining circle) and the three hares….if I forgot you I apologise from the depths of my heartless soul.
Having been suitably clad in plastic lays (price tag still attached for refund), this colourful bunch of hares, committing blatant fashion faux pas, set off into Wagg Creek Park, headed down the path then round another path, then up what may be the same path and round again covering every inch of said park until popping out somewhere in North Van. As the hares were dizzy drunk on disorientation, they plodded off along some residential roads, down a few back alleys, up a few side streets, then round and round some cul de sacs until finding themselves even dizzier going over a bridge then returning the same way and heading under the same bridge…now you can breathe….scurrying down a steep slope, passed graffiti and garbage, going right, going left, going who the hell knows where until they got back on the streets to do the same again. Was it the same street? Had they been there before? Who the fuck knew, they just ran and ran, round and round the magical maze of mayhem then suddenly stumbled upon Cream Filling, WiFi and Impaler dishing out hair raising shots of pina colada…Marcus took a sip and instantly became more hairy increasing his chances with the cougars of the Sand Bar.
Continuing on up and round and then down, the cheery group finally arrived at the beer check at the back of chez AFI, made themselves comfortable in his lovely garden (was lovely till Pero trashed the joint) and enjoyed their beverage to the sounds of a bunch of barking mutts trapped in AFIs basement…for experimental reasons? One didn’t like to ask. The team was so comfy that Banshee the beerman trotted off to get the keg….wait…that wasn’t a keg, what the hell had he done to the beer? Banshee then proceeded to pour out flat brew and feed it to us poor bastards who got down downs.
KMA took the circle in the absence of Squiddy and began to punish, well, pretty much everyone…as well as herself for failing a certain test (can someone give me a lift next hash?). Dangleberry aka Faggy was duly punished for short cutting, paying for Beheader, never finishing even half a down down and for being generally faggy. Pylon was punished for being a skank, or was it another reason? Maple Doink was given a down down for not drinking due to blood tests or something…as was Cream Filled. Too Much Head was punished for disappearing into a bush…who’s bush? Our guest from Chile in grass skirt, but really from Revelstoke, didn’t know not one song so enjoyed his cup of pish from Banshee. Those two rather nice polite English people got nailed for being just that…after much festivity the pack headed to Jack Lonsdale pub and bought drinks from what can only be described as the biggest barman in the west. Pigeon kindly joined us for some nosh and that was that!
HUGE thanks to the 3 delightful hares for volunteering yet again, we had a blast …which leads me on to say VOLUNTEER TO SET A RUN…see Pylon, he is ever so friendly and needs you…you peeps using lack of car as an excuse…I’m sure we can arrange someone to bring your brewskis to the BC.
Next hash, Malice, West Vancouver……..On On!
Posted by Plunger
on 06/27 at 02:38 AM
Happy 25th Anniversary Vancouver Hash House Harriers!
Friday, June 15, 2012
The Evans Lake weekend was hilarious.
Highlights included the most excellent chariot races, thanks to Roast and his friend Mike, naked canoe races, a midnight jog-a-lager with Plunger taking a nasty plunge, and Dangler (fully clothed) somehow landing in the water from a canoe ride with Manhole. With a ratio of about 8 women to 28 men, the odds were good but the goods were odd. Speaking of odd goods, there was a strange naked beast hanging out by the fire who was auctioned off to the highest bidder- Nitta Please from Bremerton, Washington, who lined Kreme Filling’s pockets with a whole $5 for the pleasure of sampling Skidlip’s saliva twice. Some time later in the evening, Skidlips came to the realization that he is, in fact, bisexual.
The food served by the Evans Lake staff was delicious, and Dan, our Evans Lake host, was absolutely amazing. There was naked and semi-naked paddleboarding, there were two great runs/walks, and even men running around in women’s underwear. Some hashers were spotted running away into the Woods together, while a certain hasher from Nevada learned techniques to tickle one’s pickle. There was a hearing impaired miming session of a very long poem. Some hashers Banshee found $10 and gave it to an anonymous female hasher in exchange for a body part viewing and touching. Some hashers realized that they are bedwetters as they woke up wetter than when they went to bed. Sockumsized was sent off with a nasty hickey as a farewell gift from Vancouver.
The weekend wrapped up with a nice hike set by Goat Fucker, a great circle where the new mismanagement was erected, and then chilling out on the dock and frolicking in the water while viewing the spectacular sites of Delhi Belly and Skidlips with their most treasured wieners in full view for all to admire.
Newly erected mismanagement:
Grand Masturbator: Goat Fucker
Grand Mattress: Kiss my Ass
Song Meister: Pylon?
Hash R*cist: Plunger
SuperSpanker: Kreme Filling
Hash Cash and recruiter of younger generation hashers:
Hasher on the Wagon: Porno Prick
Congratulations to the winners of the Chariot r*ces: Sockumsized (Bremerton) and Manntracker, with a fantastic 2nd place finish from Too Much Head and Kreme Filling.
Congratulations to the winners of the naked canoe r*ces: Sockumsized and Kreme Filling.
Congratulations to Shagger and Kreme Filling for being relieved of their duties as GMs.
It was nice to see Too Much Head and Next Week, who originally said they weren’t coming.
A special thank you to the Evans Lake staff who did a fabulous job with the delicious food served, and to Dan Kerr, who was the best host and all around good for everything guy.
Thanks to Impaler for making the cake, to Roast and his friend Mike for making the chariots (and to Nitta Please for adding her artistic talents), to Plunger for putting so much time and effort into the website, money collection and organizing, and to Shagger, Porno Prick and Goat Fucker for setting great runs.
Thanks to Delhi Belly, Dangler and Skidlips for providing comic relief, and thanks to Stinky from Pemberton for scaring away the ladies 2 nights in a rown with his drunken gibberish.
Thanks to AFI for the Friday night pub crawl. Thanks to Boomerang, Dikkus, Self Service and Bag Licker for the Original VH3 presence, and to all the Yankers who travelled from afar to bless us with their company.
Thanks to everyone who came for being great sports, for helping to clean up afterwards, and for making the weekend so enjoyable.
Mark the weekend of July 21st on your calendar for a fun camping weekend in Indian River where half of the fun will be the journey to the campsite. HardOn and Plunger will be working on the details.
P.S. Several people have mentioned that Evans Lake should be an annual event. To the new GMs: if you want to make it happen, book now and start advertising at least 3 months in advance.
Posted by Plunger
on 06/15 at 04:01 AM
May 21 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1333 of 1815, Monday, 21-May-2012
at Klee Wyck Park, North Vancouver
Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon, Casey (Virgin), Hash Brown, Ivana (bit missing here) - all visitors from Oregon/Mass./Texas, YFI, Mr. Aw Fuck It, Analyser, Banshee (hare), Plunger, Mantracker, Goat Fucker, Dangler, Pylon, Slippery Dick, Beheader, Long Lay, ZZZam I Yam, Abysmal, Not Harvey, Porno Prick, Pylon & Pero, Marcus, and Pigeon Stool (later) - yes, folks! That's 21 hounds and a hare.
Shagger is in Chicago, and Hardon is probably in Point Bob. The weather co-operated and not a single drop fell from 1815 until I wheeled my bicycle into the garage at 2330.
Kudos to Banshee for this one - in recent memory this has mostly been Impaler's territory and the venue for a series of excellent runs. The North Shore has impressive trails all over but it can be a bugger to join them together as seamlessly as this one. So, out of about 10/Km+ maybe 5/Km was on pavement but the other 5/Km+ was some of the best trail running we've had for quite a while.
The trail loosely boxed the area S of the Cleveland Dam and N of Highway 1 - W then N from the start, up through the residential neighbourhoods to the trails and then E over towards the Seymour River. Down the E bank and across the waterline bridge rejoining the road above the Cleveland Dam. Then, down to the Beer Check just below the Capilano Suspension Bridge. Finally, On-In over the highway bridge and Down Downs at the meeting place. Lots of up and up and less down, or so it seemed.
Visitors from Oregon provided much entertainment, and so did returnee, Slippery Dick, the well known and perfectly rounded athlete who is also the GM of the Minneapolis H3. Ivana was a surrogate for Casey and drank from Casey's new shoe, the beer for which was strained through Goat Fucker's sock - all without complaint! Well done sir! Goat Fucker drank to celebrate his naming... Marcus still has not been named.
Indiana Bones & The Temple of Poon provided proof that females breasts are always nicer to look at than Dangler's saggy dugs, but one has to admire Dangler's tireless efforts to coax those beautiful sweater puppies out from under their heavy burden of tight and layered clothing - even if only for 6.9 seconds.
Next weeks run is No.1334, meet at 1815, Monday, 28-May-2012, at 16th & Camosun in Vancouver West. Your hares are Long Lay and ZZZam I Yam. The On On On will be at http://www.coppertankgrill.com/
Posted by Plunger
on 05/23 at 03:29 AM
May 14 2012
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1327 of 1815, Monday, 14-May-2012
Arcadia Beach, UBC
Kiss My Deliciously Furry Butt Crack & Fabio (bag carrier)
Malice, Tatiana (Lima, Peru H3), Rump Roast, Pylon & Pero, YFI, Goes Down Easy, Porno Prick, Maple Dick, Impaler, Abysmal, Kreme Filled, Horny, Hardon with Shitty & Roadkill, Akiki, Miyako (visitor), Analyser, Aren, Dragon's Bark, Mr. Aw Fuck It, Kiss my Butt Cheeks (hare), Sheep Shagger, Banshee, Unknown, Marcus, Goat Fucker, Beheader, Plunger, Not Harvey, Cream Puff, Mantracker, Pigeon Stool (walker), Sex with the Beast (later), Fabio (hare), & Fabio's guest (non runner) - 32 hounds (well, almost) and two hares. Who remembers the last time we had over thirty people at a hash, let alone 34???
A brilliant day, hot, dry and sunny, not a cloud in the sky and only trepidation and nervous anticipation that comes from associating with crazy people that drive around in ancient VW Beetles. We finally assembled ourselves and then Kiss My Arse shyly gave us her interpretation of marks: this was amusing being full of the language we have come associate with our pending GM: lots of blah blah this and blah blah that and suddenly we were off up the hill on the other side of the street.
Some would say that the flour was a little scarce, others might criticize the first part of the run for having two many checks, while still others might say that the second part had none at all. I blame Malice, for it was he who introduced flour-in-a-bottle markings which work fine on Florida's sandy byeways, but which are reminiscent of runs set with chocolates wrapped in tin-foil, runs set with blue or green chalk in the rain forest. Anyway, it was OK, but s-p-a-r-s-e. The early checks were OK, but as they vanished the pack speeded-up separating the hounds into little atoms of declining energy: ie, FRBs, plodders and wankers walkers.
UBC is not what it used to be and as we circled in ever decreasing circles we wondered where and when it might all end - the asphalt that is.
Only the FRBs made the beer check, just E of Arcadia Beach, the plodders and walkers returned to the parking lot and marched along the beach only to find that all the beer had been consumed, including Mr. Aw Fuck It who expressed his disappointment with non-verbal eyebrow-stretching and a stern visage. Malice was so infuriated with the flouring-problems he caused that he left to punish himself (have I got that right?). Meanwhile Kiss My Ass and Fabio ran into an exhibitionist - a serial wanker whose attempts to spray them with his DNA (no, not part a Malice song) were greeted and ended by KMA with an expertly tossed rock which banged against his cock - ouch!
Downs were a little compromised by the absence of the appropriate device to get the beer out of the barrel, but two engineers, a couple of plumbers and a fortuitous event allowed the amber nectar to be captured and shared! Shagger assisted by Mr.Prick tended the circle, Hardon being worn down by to much skiing and keeping two women happy (I'm not referring to Shitty and Roadkill here). A good time was had by all. Fabio received hash shit for letting himself be cojones cajoled into carrying the bags. Well done KMA and Fabioooo.
If you have not already viewed the hash porno movie of advertising Evans Lake, then I strongly recommend you do so, but be sure to have a moistened towel standing by.
Posted by Plunger
on 05/23 at 03:23 AM
May 7 2012
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1330 of 1815, Monday, 07-May-2012
Park Crest Shopping Mall
Pylon & Hairy Balls
Boob Insertion (visitor from Toronto), Adam (visitor from SanFran), Marcus (returning), Toilet Wanker & Bear, Hardon with Chin & Sombrio, Sheep Shagger, Pylon (hare), Not Harvey, Beheader, Maple Dick, Malice, Manwhacker (Anne?), Goes Down Easy, Banshee, Dangler, Mr. Aw Fuck It, Malice, Manhole, Goat Fucker, Ole Ole, Porno Prick, Pigeon Stool (walker), and Crazy Balls (co-hare).
Yes folks, that is 21 hounds and two hares! Yippee! The weather was sunny but not hot - perfect for a run around the carefully groomed streets of Burnaby, well most of it is... Pylon arrived at the start on foot, with a stick over his shoulder covered in flour, and supporting a bag of flour - a sort of cross between Dick Wittington and Waltzing Matilda
We head off S and immediately ran into a train parked on the tracks, a very, very, long train. Some of us went W and got around it and joined the Still Creek cycle-run path, and met the run where it emerged from the railway tracks. From there the trail went into the brush alongside the creek.
Hairy Balls was telling us that when they set the run some days before Pylon had to climb a tall tree to direct her through the brush. Over the trunks of fallen but still living apple trees, amongst the reeds and grass, the salmon berry bushes (Ouch! Prickly!), and some truly massive brambles and finally at that strange half-world that marks the intersection of the NW corner of Burnaby Lake Park, where Kensington becomes a flyover above the Skytrain and where there are a dozen trails within 200 metres to ensure that if there is going to be confusion it will be a bastard to solve.
Plunger estimated the next mark after a check under the flyovers was about 380 metres at the end of the ariel walkway that crosses Broadway from the park side. Unfortunately that was much later so it is an unresolved question as to whether anyone found and did the entire trail.
Porno took the high road and jumped the train, crossing Broadway and emerging from a narrow set of steps close to Kensington and thereafter by serendipitous meandering to Chez Pylon where Hairy Crazy Balls was jonesing as she could not find the beer.
Various hashers arrived over the next half hour from just about any direction that you care to name and Maple Dick in his dashing Suzuki was commandeered by Hardon to go and hunt for Toilet Wanker (is that right?) and Bear who is overweight, lame, very furry and very hot.
Pero was very happy to see everyone and Crazy Hairy Balls says he almost wasn't as he had a run in with a train the day before, saved only by a truly heroic Pylonic dash.
Ole Ole was pissed and left quickly, but the beer was cooler than warm and there were nacho thingies to munch on.
Goes Down Easy and Mantracker were exhibiting signs of overheating but refused to undress, no doubt the blood running freely from the numerous cuts adorning their legs kept them cool enough. Hardon handled Down-Downs with panache and the On On On was at Rev's Bowling Alley where we enjoyed cheap beers and ate our own weight in pizza.
ON ON !
Posted by Plunger
on 05/23 at 03:12 AM
Howlers Hash Sat May 5 2012
Monday, May 07, 2012
VH3 Howler’s Hash
Run # 20 or so
Saturday May 5th at Eastside Mario’s
Live Hares: AFI and WiFi
Scribbling Scribe: KMA (in absentia of Porno Prick who has fallen off the wagon on some island and won’t return)
As the biggest and brightest full moon of the year illuminated the Vancouver night, what turned out to be quite a substantial group of hashers, clearly under the influence of rare cosmic energy, gathered in the noisiest, eardrum rupturing bar on Lonsdale Quay. And so Goatfucker in his pjs, Manhole, the lovely Rita, Snow White from Seattle, Just Adam from San Fran., Banshee, Plunger, Ann and Goes Down Easy, Pylon and Pero, Abysmal, Impaler, Dangleberry, Shagger attached to bike, Malice, Not Harvey, Cream Puff and myself paid their $5, guzzled a beer or two and set off for what would be a bloody long, satisfyingly sweaty slog into the night. After swift calculations, that’s 19 hares, a hound and two live bugles.
Heading west along a false trail as the sun disappeared, then backing up and scampering round an enormous parking lot and over the railway tracks, the pack of dogs eventually veered north. On and up they went, block after residential, elevation gaining, gluteus maximus building block and then given some light relief on some cool, stream filled trails. Lots of checking and excellent team work finally got the hashers up into the stratospheres of North Vancouver. Plunger disappeared into the heavens, only followed by Just Adam who was clearly unaware of the pace he would have to keep for the rest of the run. Then suddenly the appearance of the GM on his gallant steed allowed the hounds some respite as he aided in the tiresome search. The large number of checking nipples was due to WiFi’s panic as she thought she heard On Ons from a rapidly closing Plunger.
In order to reorganise her intestinal tract, KMA was spotted practising Adho Mukha Vrksasana against a tree as the chap from Seattle was so cosmically in tune with himself he was spotted by our Glasgee lass swinging on swings in the playground. As the madness of the moon infected the hounds, Ann’s energy levels exploded into frantic searching and sprinting through the forests like a nymph on heat. Rita stood regarding a pile of flour and demurely asked some other hashers ‘Do you think this could be it?’ ‘No’, they retorted, ‘flour is part of the natural flora of this area, On On!’
It seems that the sly hare foxed some of the hounds as they arrived at his house expecting him to be there but were sorely mistaken, only to be later accused of sexually abusing his dog! After about an hour and a half the pack slowly gathered at the beer check in a dark and woody park. A very full, icy cool box awaited them as the circle was haphazardly formed and led by the hare himself. As it was the Howler’s Hash, unwritten rules state the pack turns to the majestic moon and howl into the night. It seems the lunacy of the evening run had caused an element of stupidity amongst the group as none could actually find the moon; which was surprising as it was 15,300 miles closer than it normally is. As a paltry substitute, the hashers turned to and began howling at the streetlamp across the park!
Dangler was sufficiently abused in the circle as were his pants and testicles. Impaler pointed out that the only moon she saw that night was Dangler’s pasty white butt crack. While Cream Puff was insisting he was a paedophile, our two copper haired cougars from the north ooed and cooed at the treat from San Francisco. The pack then descended about 3 kms to the pub. Your hard working scribe realised the absurd distance of her next beer, so jumped onto Shagger’s bike…which he enjoyed thoroughly as he rode downhill with a thumb in his ass.
Back at Mario’s, the manager and staff diligently prepared us a table in the dining room until Shagger and Banshee realised it was half price appys and pizza in the bar, so we held forth and stayed put. Banshee’s blood sugar became dangerously low but was finally and thankfully given his much needed nutrition. A cornucopia of drugs didn’t seem to cure Manhole’s backpain so she turned to vats of red wine. The evening was concluded with Pylon protecting his Pero, and his honour, by squaring up to some self righteous, animal welfare wanker outside the pub. On On!
Big thanks to AFI and WiFi for setting a formidably fabulous run and being excellent sports. Monday’s run is Pylon and Pero in Burnaby. Like I mentioned before, find the hare in you and set a run for June!
Posted by Plunger
on 05/07 at 02:40 AM
Apr 30 2012
Wednesday, May 02, 2012
Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run 786 of 34/4 at 6.15pm/6.45pm
April 31st at Olsler and 72nd
Hared by the GM Sheep Shagger baa
Substitute scribe KMAsscheeks
And so on this not so fine, bloody chilly spring eve Impaler, Abysmal, Hard On On with Mutts in tow but no bugle, Rump Roast with Friend (for this purpose we will name him Stony Jim), AFI, WFI, yours truly, a non running Cream Filled, Too Much Head, Spencer (hash name?), Rita, Dragon’s Bark (really rather late), Beheader, Not Harvey, Dangler, Fabio, Analyser, Marcus Irishman, Plunger, Banshee, Pylon and Pero, Horny, and if I forgot you then don’t worry just buy me a beer…..
After some excellent, text book instructions by our hare/GM mainly for the benefit of Stony Jim who wasn’t really listening, we headed in a southerly direction. Dragon’s Bark at this point was still on the bus enjoying a tour of Richmond. After heading south for approx. 4.2 minutes the hungry hounds crossed Marine and went westerly with the wind towards Fraser River Park. AFI as usual took his own route ignoring howls and barks from some of the pack, seems he wasn’t alone in the hunt for the lone beer at checkpoint BN1KXg6.
Dragging their feet around the park for 5 minutes or so enjoying some boardwalk adventures most of the pack then headed riverside back in an easterly direction. In jovial fashion they trotted through industrial sites and under bridges, along train tracks and over walls. Horny spent his time reminiscing about the good old hash days, when everything was black and white, all male hashing followed by strip joints was the way…to hell with progression and women’s lib….his longing howl at the dusky skies heard for miles……
The Brazilian showed surprise when discovering some of Canada’s less friendly foliage, but soldiered on. But not as much surprise as the delightful Hard On showed when, being the gentleman that he is decided to help all the ladies down a really short wall, but was mounted my KMA and ridden like a mule. On On!
Approaching the hare as he was scratching himself behind a container, the pack descended on the hidden brewski but were sorely disappointed after realising it had been consumed then maliciously replaced! Rump Roast was immediately accused, the hare gave an extra beer to the virgin in pity and on they ran. Plunger decided the route went under a locked gate, so like a Mission Impossible character scurried underneath and was blindly followed by the female hounds.
After trudging through the river mud, over broken cement pipes and other urban refuse, to the screams of Impaler in the distance, we finally found the beer check
As chill set in, the pack and hare and dogs headed back to the park for the circle. That English woman in the red jacket spent the time on a bench on the phone and a strange bearded man came out of the woodwork and joined the circle. Disturbances in his neighbourhood was his excuse! As Analyser jabbered incessantly, the RA tried desperately to get control of the damn situation. Deep grunts of displeasure were heard from Rump Roast as he was asked to drop his smoke so he could do his down down on his knees. Beheader and fella were aptly punished for a lot of stuff that no one knew what. Etc etc etc…..to the pub where after the Fonz’s gentle few words to the perspiring waitress we will never be allowed to return. The virgin exposed his virginity by buying jugs of beer and then your sock selling scribe left and knows not the rest.
Big woolly hugs to Sheep Shagger for haring. Saturday night Full Moon run from Lonsdale will be set by the lovely AFI and lovelier WFI. And Pylon kindly volunteered for next Monday run. We need volunteers for the next two months so volunteer soon before you volunteer involuntarily.
Posted by Plunger
on 05/02 at 12:34 PM
Mar 24 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1326 of 1415, Satuday, 24-March-2012
Locarno Beach, Vancouver West
Kiss My Ass
Chad (virgin), Gena (virgin), Acidofulous Stump (visitor), Sebastian (virgin), Rarely Comes (Aaron), Daddy Long Legs, Dragon's Bark, Too Much Head, Until Next Week, Manhole, Andrea (virgin), Rump Roast, Pylon & Pero, Plunger, Banshee, Horny, Short Circuit, Cream Filling, Sex with the Beast (walker), Impaler, Dangler, Captain Hymen Grinder, Analyser, Skid Lips, Maple Dick, Sheep Shagger, Abysmal, Beheader (late), Porno Prick & Kiss My Furry Butt Cheeks (hare). Yes folks, thats 29 hounds and a hare!
Kiss My Incredibly Firm & Furry Butt Cheeks was in a tizzy of anticipation - eager, ernest and erratic all at the same time. And with good reason, advice from Plunger, Hardon and Porno was sought and followed, but alas based on incomplete facts: KMIF&FBC had failed to inform her advisors that there would be twenty nine hounds... In other words, according to Shagger, the keg would be consumed at the beer check and there would be nothing left over for Down-Downs! Silly Billy.
This problem was easily solved by handing the hare a wad of bills (no, not a Clinton joke). But, this was the only problem which money could resolve. There were others; what is the difference between a Back Check and False Trail, is 4 oz of flour enough for a 6 Km run, and do these yoga pants make my ass look big?
Anyway, 'twas a truly beautiful day on Jericho Beach, a chilly wind blew ducks off the water while a watery sun blasted down from above. Clothing was adjusted more than once, but finally the moment came and off we scurried. E past Jericho Sailing Club leaving the Brock house to starboard, N across Marine Drive and then W before struggling S up the grassy sward towards Our Lady of Perpetual Help where a Falsie marked a Back Check. Now, this would have been a good place for the hare to utter a prayer and perhaps she did!
We wriggled around in West Pt Grey for a few minutes before striking mostly W towards Westmount Park and thence into the heavily wooded Endowment Lands. In KMIF&FBC's life flour is not just a fungible for those that knead the dough, but ranks right alongside rubies and .999 gold - valued for its rarity and not be shared. So it was with more success that we hunted snark and frumious bandersnatch than blobs of flour on sylvan trails!
After a brief shuffle in the Endowment Lands we dropped down the 'scarp at the W end of Spanish Banks to find BN - and from there it was an unmarked kilometre to the blue bug. We hung on as long as we could, but the last few hounds were enjoying the trail so much that they decided to reprise long bits of it and these were not seen again until Down Downs.
The hare was amply rewarded with the Hash Trash, torn off Skiddy's back, and supported by a new crutch courtesy of M'Alice. Interestingly, KMIF&FBC has a finite limit when it comes to beer, and small wagers were placed to estimate when sufficient fuel would be on-board to allow take-off. The magic number seems to be between four and five beers. You can tell when the magic number has been reached by the counting the number of oaths (beginning with 'f' and ending with 'you', with the odd 'mother' thrown in for good measure) uttered during the course of a minute - more than four is a 'yup!'. In any case, it went very well, supervised by The Captain. Aaron received commiserations and support and was named Rarely Comes. The visitors and virgins received absolutions and just about everyone got their just desserts... yum, yum!
The On-On-On was at that bar on 4th and Blenheim. There is no point writing the name down 'cause it'll be different next week. They were hosting a party for 12 year old girls so it was with trepidation that we assembled our own little fort as far away from them as we could get. However, we need not have worried, they were better behaved, had more bling, and appeared to be better ejamacated than most of us! The food was interesting and there was lots of it and it was served by girls dressed just like the 12 year olds in the corner. WTF? KMIF&FBC slunk off, wobbling, to attach the hash trash to Shagger's bicycle, but despite being caught flagrante delicto remained unashamed!
All in all a beautiful day and so well done Kiss My Ass! Enjoy the hangover!
Next week's run will be hared by M'Alice and will involve hills. On On!
Posted by Plunger
on 03/26 at 03:22 AM
Mar 17 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1325 - St. Patrick's Day Run - of 1415, Saturday, 17-March-2012
Murdo Fraser Park, Tennis Courts, North Vancouver
Mr. Aw Fuck It & YFI
Now, Saint Paddy, who must not be confused with Palladius, brought insanity christianity to Ireland, and is famous for ending elegant pagan rituals such as all-night orgies and 'find the virgin' (not sure which one came first), killing the Druids at Tara, driving the snakes out of Ireland and generally tuning down the fun-level from pretty-bloody-good to absolutely bugger all. Saint Paddy's Day is more celebrated in New Orleans and Toronto than it is in Eire where drinking does not need to be celebrated once a year as most people do it every day, and may I say do it rather well. Kiss My Furry Butt Cheeks has relatives in Ireland.
Our hare for this event is the esteemed Mr. Aw Fuck It the purity of whose lineage can be traced back to the Australopithecines and which contains not one dot of Irish in it. He was ably assisted by YFI. Kiss My Downy Bubble Butt recently visited Ireland.
Rump Roast, Do Me First, Do Me Later (Sabrina), Dragon's Bark, Kiss My Ass (she has relatives in Ireland), Goes Down Easy, Ann of Green Gobbles (Anne), YFI (hare), Impaler, Low Blow, SwtB (walking), Swish, Plunger, Dangler, Mount Me, Banshee, Pylon & Pero, Pigeon Stool, Swish (returning), Maple Dick, Captain Hymen Grinder, Abysmal, I'll take the Fat Chick, Hardon with Shitty & Roadkill, Daddy Long Legs, Analyser (late), and Mr. Aw Fuck It all made it to the start of the run in cool but clear weather - no rain and even some suuuun... Yes folks, thats 24 hounds and two hares!
Mr. Aw Fuck It's runs are guaranteed to satisfy the elemental needs of hashers - a brief period of exercise followed by the amber nectar. And, the delightful Do Me First lent her talents as Pastry Chef and produced a magnificent Irish Coffee Cheese Cake, while Low Blow produced decorative lick-on tattoos - yum, yum and a very dry mouth after much licking. Mr. Aw Fuck It is part of the North Shore stable of hares which includes Impaler, the said Mr. Aw Fuck It, Mountme, Dangler (the exception which proves the rule), YFI, the Low-Do family, and so on. It is with some optimism that we start this run - hopes of limited pavement, interesting diversions, and a fancy beer check are uppermost in our minds.
In essence the run heads N on the W side of MacKay Creek, passing through the E corner of Eldon Park before crossing over the creek in Upper MacKay Creek Park, over towards Mosquito Creek and thence S through the neighbourhoods and odd bit of green space to the beer check off Crescent View Drive. Our expectations are mostly met, with a little more pavement time than we had hoped for, but not enough to cry over.
The usual lavish beer check is accompanied by chips and pretzel thingies and it is a while before we decide to loiter over to the start for a lavish spectacle of Green-Beer-Fueled Down-Downs led by the chief leprechaun himself, The Captain. The hares are punished, so is Dangler, Anne is named "Anne of Green Gobbles" - "Gobbles" for short, and Sabrina is almost named "Do Me Later", after experiments with 'Do Me Next', 'Do Me Last' and 'Do Me Again' fail to find traction. Of course, we already have Do Me First, and everyone always says they don't like sloppy seconds, but is this really a fact? Kiss My Perfectly Formed Butt Cheeks has family in Ireland.
Porno Prick was de-pantsed by Hardon whilst imobilised with a beer in one hand, the other holding his X-ray vision glasses. No doubt St. Patrick would have had something to say about this but he wasn't there. Trying to slap Hardon without a hard-on proved virtually impossible. Small children ran away quickly whilst their mothers stared in open mouthed astonishment. Even Pero stopped chasing sticks for a few seconds. By the way, Kiss My Arse has relationships in Ireland. Swish received a beer for returning, Mountme received a beer for staying, Analyser received a beer for doing nothing, Dangler got one for bum-fluff.
All in all and excellent afternoon not one second of which was wasted. The On On On was at the Pemby. Damned good show Mr. Aw Fuck It!
On On! to Kitsilano where Kiss My Ass will be haring next week's run much to the chagrin of Malice who was shaggin' elsewhere. We are praying that she will open her Ass Cheeks to the prospect of a run in the hills and none of this sodding about on pavements. Please, please - can you hear me now????????
Posted by Plunger
on 03/20 at 03:31 AM
Mar 10 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1324 of 1415, Saturday, 10-March-2012
at Watershed Park, Delta
Woody-woodpecker makes a certain noise when he celebrates the frustration of his detractors, it goes something like this: huh huh huh huh her her, huh huh huh huh her her. Not sure if I've got the onomatopoeic spelling of this right, but you get the idea. So, Plunger (hare), Oregon H3 Male, Oregon H3 Female, Maple Ridge Male, Maple Ridge Female (I bet they all have names, but what are they?), Pigeon Stool, Captain Hymen Grinder, Aaron & Korean Jindo fighting doggy, Kiss My incredibly firm Butt Cheeks, Hardon with Shitty & Roadkill, , Malice, Daddy Long Legs, Dragon's Bark, Dangler, Aw Fuck It, Sheep Shagger, Pylon and Pero, Porno Prick, and Abysmal - yes, folks, that's 19 hounds and a hare! - all made it to the start.
And, so, yes, this was a Woody Wood Pecker run. Plunger greeted us with the immortal words: "there is no pavement on this run!". And, by god, he was right. We ran a complex series of loops tightening a noose around our slender necks, crossing and re-crossing the paths in the woods. Meeting friends running towards us, and then only minutes later, meeting them again. As hounds crossed one's path some joined our group that were crossing, while some from our own group joined those that were doing the crossing. Sometime they came from directly ahead and at other times they crossed our paths at right angles - it was all very exciting. We crossed marks that looked familiar and landmarks that seemed reminiscent of other landmarks seen earlier. In the end we ran about 5~6 kilometres, and somehow coalesced into a single living cell as experience suggested that the beer check must be close by. Shagger was the only one that found the extreme point of the run, and that was only because he was short-cutting and found flour when no-one else could get it.
The beer check was a source of considerable concern as four hashers - two each from Oregon and Maple Ridge -were almost certainly at the beer check chugging down beers meant for us! These four visitors were in the final stages of a race to the bottom of the keg, and thus it was that we utilised our brains and our mobile phones to get to the beer check. This involved still more of the same with hordes of hounds scaling muddy slopes and others pouring down on them from above, all experiencing the desperation of beerlessness.
At last, we heard the beer checkers calling cheerfully into the woods and we all appeared, more or less at the same time, exhibiting a calm visage in the face of immense stress and loss, to enjoy masses of ICED COLD BEER! provided by the hare, together with a laurel and hardy handshake for making it this far.
We hung around as long as we dare, then headed back to the start, and meeting flour here, there, and arrows all around. Down-Downs were expertly administered by our Mast of Ceremonies - Skid-Lips still has the HashTrash, otherwise it would undoubtedly have been worn home by the hare. Shagger was bemused by his Down-Down for finding the turning point of the run accidentally. The keg expired but another was produced and the hounds basked happily in the icy winds until replete with masses of ICED COLD BEER, chips and bonhomie.
At this point the RA put on his X-ray spectacles and Dangler was the recipient of a much needed beer as were many others - Kiss my Furry Butt Cheeks committed another devastating assault on Danglers potatoes which are now mashed potatoes. Anyway, we all benefitted from the excitement. The On-On-On was at the Sundowner Pub where "service" is not a recognized word the server's lexicon, and toothless women with gigantic breasts worship at the feet of the Meat Raffler. Several of us ordered the $8.95 steak special and it was suggested that the steak must have come from somewhere other than Alberta - New Zealand and some such location, but we were not convinced and too hungry to care anyway.
Anyway, it was all good fun and everyone is looking forward to the SUNLUND Splash Hash( see http://vh3.ca/nexthash_SPLHASH.htm
Next week's run will involve more ICED COLD BEER served by the Frogg and Sudds in Richmond and at a secret location to be found by the hounds. This run No.1325 will be hared by the Captain. Be there or be square.
Posted by Plunger
on 03/13 at 02:30 AM
Mar 3 2012
Monday, March 05, 2012
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1323 of 1415, Saturday, 03-March-2012
Hume Park, New Westminster
Porno Prick, Low Blow & Lucy, Dangler, Pylon (hare) & Pero, Plunger, Mountme, Banshee, Anne, Goes Down Easy, Analyser, Aw Fuck It, Malice, Kiss My Ass, Too Much Head, Long Lay, Shazzam, Dragons Bark & Daddy Long Legs (Mother Hash Jakarta) visitors, that's 17 hounds and a hare. No Shagger and No Beheader, what the hell is going on?
Hume Park brings back memories (occluded by beer) of many happy runs here long ago - Gobbler, Spew, et al. Our collective memories estimate two years since we last ran here - perhaps a Malice/Pylon run? This is an old park by Vancouver standards, split by Brunette Creek and bounded by North/Columbia, No.1 Highway and the new bus station.
The air ambulance has been forewarned to expect bleeding injuries resulting from brambles, but it is not required as the greatest risk we will face on this run is to our hearing: from the roar of highway traffic as we scurry along the soon-to-be entries and exits of the much expanded highway. Too mUch Head is the exception, he has strange injuries to backs of his legs - was he running away?
After a while, quite a long while, Dangler is persuaded that Shagger is not coming, and we finally set off SW from the park, exiting to Brunette at Braid where we fumble around for a good fifteen minutes before grasping the nettle and shoving off over Highway one and onto the gravel ramp paralleling the highway until we drop down to Blue Mountain and then a steady ascent until we turn W to pass under the highway via the pedestrian underpass. From there we clamber onto yet another gravelled ramp before finally emerging on Columbia just where One passes overhead.
The beer check is on the N side of the park and halmarked "Pylon": 17 hounds, but only sixteen beers! The chips are a welcome distraction. We retreat to the park for Down Downs. Dangler is punished for over-chippage. The Blondes for not being blondes enough, Dragon's Bark and Daddy Long Legs for being in Vancouver for years but not coming to the hash, and so on... The BaldMoFoes are in short supply, but as we scrabble for traction in these uncertain times a menage is put together - a motley crue of new, current and former 'foes.
Kiss My Ass has some kind of fascination with the end of her leg and Dangler's private parts. Quite why is unclear but Dangler is strangely protective of his "eggs" and whenever KMA passes nearby he can be seen entering the foetal position with hands crossed protectively over his loins. Oh, and another thing, look at the people pictures and you will see Kiss My Ass reaching up to make funny finger signs behind the heads of tall hounds - voodoo? Ju-Ju? Zambian quackery? W.T.F.?
Down Downs are conducted with lashings of ICE COLD R&B BEER and all are punished for their sinful behaviour, especially Pylon, but not forgetting Anne and GDE.
Until next week, then!
Posted by Plunger
on 03/05 at 05:18 AM
Feb 25 2012
Sunday, March 04, 2012
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1322 of 1415, Saturday, 25-February-2012
Carisbrooke Park, N Vancouver
by Impaler, assisted by Abysmal
Zam/Xiam/Sjam/Tsam/Tzam/Sam, Long Lay, Too mUch Head, Dangler as skinhead, Mad Dog the well rounded athlete, Hot Tub Hotty aka Goes Down Easy, Cream Puff 'nuff said, YFI, Pylon fresh from the Straits of Magellan and Pero, Mountme not in Dafur, Low Blow fresh from the theatre and Lucy, Do Me First reeking, Plunger faster than a speeding bullet, Skiddy dressed as something very weird, Aw Fuck It, Banshee as himself, M'Alice, Cream Filling as herself Sheep Shagger, Hardon with Shitty and Road Kill, Porno Prick, Impaler, and Abysmal - 20 hounds and two hares!
Abysmal is a lucky chap: Impaler is willing to get-up early on a Saturday morning, lug a huge bag of flour all over the dales and dells of N Vancouver sowing clever trails all the way, AND all on a sniff of cider! Yes, this is why we run on Saturdays' - not for hot tubs with no naked women, nor for seedy city runs, but for soft trails amidst the trees and mountains of the Northshore.
Ah, but the weather... glorious, clear, cool, windy and just right for a romp amongst the evocative British Streets and parks of Victoria's North Vancouver. The assembled throng co-alesces into a meaningful lump and exits W over to Delbrook, Mosquito Creek Park, emerging through Malaspina Park onto Skyline Drive, before settling on the pylon trail and moving steadily W down towards towards Braemar Park and finally to the beer check in Princess Park.
Dangler and Abysmal auto-hashed. Skiddy continues to suffer from confusion about his sexuality despite being tested in Chilliwack by an athletic 65 year-old who won him at Manhole's fete for $20.70! Mad Dog & Pylon were returnees.
The ON ON ON was at the Jack Lonsdale on Lower Lonsdale!
Good one Impaler!
Posted by Plunger
on 03/04 at 03:43 AM
Feb 18 2012 - The Steam Bath Run
Monday, February 27, 2012
The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1321 of 1415, Saturday, 18-February-2012
The Steam Bath on Hastings
Fire-Ball (visiting from somewhere), Newbie chick, YFI, AFI, Cream Filling, Dangler, Porno Prick, Plunger, Dangler, Cream Puff, Beheader (late), Malice, Pigeon Stool, Skid Lips, Kiss my Hairy Butt-Cheeks, Too Much Head, Rump Roast, Captain Hymen Grinder and Dianna, and many more whose names have been forgotten attended this fine run! But, and it is not a big butt, where was our traditional hare? Where was Pylon? Rumour has it that he may have been aboard the COSTA CONCORDIA, fondling young Chechen dancers and incurring the wrath of the distracted Master. Another rumour suggests we might infer his presence in Patagonia from where reports have been received of naked debauchery and cold showers.
Kiss My Hairy Butt-Cheeks was careful to assure herself that other harriettes would be in attendance. She was concerned that she might be confronted by two yards of limp biscuit - we harriers share the same fears, but hash beer overcomes a lot of prejudice.
As it was Skiddy's shortcoming were revealed to all, and we all ducked our heads whenever he did something vaguely disturbing, such as standing up, swinging around and so on... I must leave the actual details to your fervent imaginations. Beheader was dressed in her usual orange bikini.
Banshee set off a little early, N to Powell then WSW, then SW, then SSW to Commercial Drive before hitting Terminal and thence almost back to Main Street before a quick dog leg down to Prior and a beer check at Strathcona Park. A few of the hounds got lost, including your scribe, but Banshee kindly made accommodations and the beer check was split in half and continued at the park adjacent to the Steam Baths. The whole of Mt Pleasant and it's peripherals are a fascinating melange of architectural spice and turn-of-the-century (19th that is) dross, mingled with pleasant parks and light industry, and this made for a really interesting run - good one, mate.
Malice brought supplies for the Hot Tub Hotty, but alas she was nowhere to be seen, a fact which made all of us a little sad... The ON ON ON was at Nick's on Commercial where lashings of pasta are spread thick with meaty sauces, all served by Italian women of magnificent proportions, alas Kiss My Ass (now what made me think of her?) didn't make it and we had to carefully stretch the available female company amongst two yards of limp biscuit.
On On 'till next week, when the your hare is Impaler, meet North of Hwy 1 on Lonsdale.
On On !
Posted by Plunger
on 02/27 at 04:54 AM
Feb 4 2012
Sunday, February 05, 2012
The Vancouver Hash Harriers
Run No.1319 of 1415, Saturday, 04-February-2012
AirForceArmyNavy Building at 23rd & Main
Cream Filling hosted this run, glorious in all her personalities and gushing with energy and vigor. A heroic few that had decided against spending 5 hours a day in traffic between Vancouver and Whistler assembled at 23rd & Main. Amongst them were, Impaler, M'Alice, Cream Puff, Low Blow, Machej, Big Mike, Abysmal, Chinese Dude from New West & his Quiet Bro on a bike, Roast, Fat Chick, Goes Down Easy, Long Lay, Until Next Week, Horny, Maple Dick, Banshee, Do Me First, Serena, Plunger, Hardon (for five minutes), Analyser, and Woman (large), man (a)(thin), man (b) (medium with spiky hair), man (c)(Indian-style), and Porno Prick - around twenty two actually ran...
We set-off South from the ARFANY, bearing WSW to QE Park, up and over around the Conservatory, then a beer check with CARLING BLACK LABEL - 8% of fucked-up!!!! (a well known tipple for the drunks who litter the streets in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland).alongside 33rd to the cemetary, before heading South across King Ed and E ON IN.
An elderly panel van provided hosting for more CARLING until we were reminded that the ARFANY could loose its liquor licence (and one look around the door will confirm that a liquor licence is mandatory). We huddled in the alley and set-up our wares for Down Downs.
The Hare did numerous DOWN DOWNS but had put in hours of work to make this all happen. We are all unworthy. The ARFANY hosted a splendid burger dinner and M'Alice and Roast both won large packages of meat. Fat Chick ate three honking big HAMBURGERS and won a free beer!
Next week's run is being set by somebody. The following week, the 18th, will be a Steam Bath Run with keg sponsored by the hash. Rumour has it that Captain Hymen Grinder may hare this epic. Eat your heart out, Pylon!
A little Valentines poetry from the hare.
You are a lady with beauty and taste
With lovely boobs and a slender waist
You will have good fortune this year
if you be a good girl
and buy Plunger a beer.
You are full of strength and virility
You get all the girls of humility
You are a man so fun and witty
Now take a girl, grab her kitty, warm her up and kiss her clitty
You, great woman
Will have good fortune in coin
if you caress a hot man's groin
with the hash you should rejoin
to drink, be merry, and lick some tasty loin
You are a lovely lady for sure
Bright and hot and oh so pure
if you want good fortune to secure
then find yourself a wealthy entrepreneur
maybe you should dress like a whore
to add a little hook and lure.
but if you want your own good luck
then you must suck Roast's tasty muck...
until he starts to moan and buck.
Seriously, though, what you must do
Is grab Plunger and give him a screw...
A threaded fastener I mean
I hope a dirty thought you did not glean.
Now have a drink, enjoy he scene
Avoid drunken men who look unclean.
You're so hot you make men's balls ache
You make their snakes become awake
For good fortune do not mistake
Let a hasher give you a shake with his big, juicy steak
Until there is an earthquake.
You're a marvellous man
Cream of the crop
You inspire women to shake their mop
If good fortune on your list is at the top
Then you must take a hasher woman and make her cherry pop
Until you make her flop with your slop.
But beware she might close shop
If she finds you have an undesirable prop
In that case you should use some special op
To make her want to schlop
You are a man of strength and vector
Grown from a well-bred, good-looking sector
Once a girl drinks from your nectar
Your potency will have surely wrecked her
You, hot man, are strong and rigid
A sight to girls so weak and frigid
Once you wave to them your massive gidget
They're bound to retreat and rebound with their widget
Chicks dig you still
Despite your shrivelled testicles, nasty backside hair issues, and habit of not paying the bill.
The furutre looks bright for you
but if you're feeling suicidal,
feel free to put Kreme Filling in your will.
Posted by Plunger
on 02/05 at 05:24 AM
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