Vancouver Hash House Harriers

Dec 17 2011

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1313 of 1415, Saturday, 17-December-2011
at
Jonathan Rogers Park, Vancouver
by
Captain Hymen Grinder

The throngs of hounds were slow to coalesce for N0.1313 - no doubt the lethargy induced by frequent celebrations marking the Advent and subsequent dilution of the blood, perhaps the inexorable progress towards 2012, even the discovery of the 'God Particle', maybe the discovery of another earth on the far side of the galaxy - whatever the reason it was nearly 1500 by the time the pack was herded together and given the necessary instructions: "this is a Mount Pleasant Run". Off we toddle, North towards Science World, a jog into the City and then East along the mean streets to Strathcona and a Fireball Shot-Check, and on into Mount Pleasant concluding with a beer check on the high side of China Creek Park.

Dangler, Analyser, Banshee, Beheader, Trevor (later), Pylon, I'll Take the Fat Chick, Squid Lips, Goes Down Easy, Aaron, Low Blow & Lucy, Cream Puff, Captain Hymen Grinder (hare), Roadkill with Hardon & Shitty, Pigeon Stool, Kiss My Ass (gurning), Maple Schmekl, Porno Prick, Sheep Shagger, Plunger, Cream Filled, Manhole & Goat Fucker (later) all made it.

Despite the location or perhaps because of our frequent hash induced jogs around the area this was a pleasant run, well marked and paced with surprisingly little separation between the fit bastards at the front and the fat ones at the back. Maple Schmekl and Shagger arrived early at the beer check but were confused by the marks beyond it and had to use their 'phones to make it in time for a beer.

After some happy slurping we retired to the South side of Jonathan Rogers Park for Down Downs in the gathering gloom, to enjoy Down Down beers from tinnies - the first time for many a long month. R&B shut early, and Storm closed it's doors at 1100! Hares are reminded of the Seven Ps: Prior Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

After much happy imbibing we adjourned to a pub on Alberta at 2nd (The Sin Bin?) for burgers and beers. Shagger and Porno then cycled home in pouring rain... what fun.

None-the-less an excellent afternoon, good job CHG! On On to Christmas! The next run will be by Malice and it is believed, but by no means confirmed that it will be on the North Shore. go to http://www.vanhash.com/site/ for details.

Dec 10 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1312 of 1415, Saturday, 10-December-2011
at
14679 106A Street, North Surrey
by
Plunger, ably assisted by the delightful Cream Filled

Marcus (virgin), Dangler, Sex with the Beast, Shagger, Mountme, Plunger (hare), Maple Dick, Until Next Week, I'll take the Fat Chick, Hardon with Sombrio & Chin, Beheader, Malice, Banshee, Kiss My Ass, Aaron (later), Cream Puff, Goes Down Easy, Long Lay, Captain Hymen Grinder, Manhole, Goat Fucker (later), Cream Killed, Low Blow, and Porno Prick. Yessir!

A magnificent 22 hounds, and a couple of late comers helped Plunger celebrate his 50th Birthday with a run around Surrey followed by party activities at Chez Plunger. Kiss My Ass brought brownies, but forgot to (a) use self raising flour, and/or (b) did not put any yeast in the mix - however, like a flock of starving gannets hashers threw themselves into KMA's shoe box (toe fungus?) for 2nds and even 3rds!

Now, I don't want to hurry on with the run write-up, but I suspect that you, just like me, are more anxious to relive the sordid details and high excitement as the evening progressed from shivering with cold to that delicious shiver of anticipation that accompanies stupidity, really good drunk and dirty sex, fifteen people in a hot tub, 3 kegs of beer, shooters, significant quantities of vodka, liqueurs and so on.

So, according to the pundits the weather would be dreadful, but in fact it remained merely cold and damp. The rain stopped as we left and held off until we were all ripped. Plunger had cleverly devised Turkey and Eagle trails and prelaid the latter. In essence we did parts of 2008, 2009, and 2011 trails, but instead of going down into the ravine bounded by Caledonian, Currie and Wallace Drives from the South we entered from the North end, and ended up at the beer check in the parking lot of the park at 144th and 105A Av.; which is exactly where it was supposed to be. I'll take the Fat Chick was DFL.

Now we've got that out of the way...


The gang reassembled at Chez Plunger for Down Downs which predictably required the active participation of just about everyone more than once. Once that was done we got down to the serious business of munching roast turkey and all the usual accompaniments including massive quantities of Plunger's home-cooked apple pies. Did I mention the B52s, Chocolate vodka, Baileys Irish cream, and sundry other cocktails, the three kegs of ale and the dozens of cans of beer, boxes and bottles of wine, and so on? Now, Manhole is a very demanding woman - she has high standards and demands the same from Goat Fucker. In fact, Manhole has been heard to say that if she sees GF even looking at another woman's breasts she will perform a Lorena Bobbit on GF's manly appendage. Well, imagine GF's surprise when reviewing Plunger's new tablet-pictures he sees not one, not two, not three, but four hashers entertaining themselves by jumping face first into the delightful hills and valleys that decorate Manhole's chest... to lick of cream and drink B52s.

Not much time passed before the main event began with a mass migration to the hot tub. This little oasis of hot and steamy water quickly became a mecca for the worn-out and weary hashers, Captain Hymen Grinder illustrated the silly walk, hurled freezing water over the 'tubbers, and was chased and punished by Kiss My Ass while Manhole held the hose pipe ready to repel boarders. Fortunately Malice had a bottle of Chocolate-Vodka which he shared with the tubbers, 'specially Goes Down Easy who chugged a good 40% of it and immediately became the equivalent of a rubber duck in a hot bath: buoyed by her own "ass-ets" but incapable of independent thought or movement. Shagger kindly kept her head above water, although later a number of people suggested that it would have been a blessing if he had not done so. This became a small concern later on and many volunteers joined hands to lift her out of the tub and into Goat Fucker's and Manhole's bed. Manhole started rambling in incoherent Glaswegian about the unfairness of it all, and an exhausted Goat Fucker was put to bed in Plunger's and Cream Filled's bed. Now I'm fairly sure that Puffy and Easy are not dating, but needs must be met, and they were. Manhole's air-mattress sighed like fart cushion while they hammered away carefree. Many, many visitors took the time to investigate and were rewarded with glimpses of real passion as distinct from the farmyard grunts and gurgles, slaps and snorts which accompanied most of the performance. One person was heard to remark that what they were doing was "dirty"; which swiftly drew this response: "if it ain't dirty you ain't doing it right..." - 'nuff said!

Later on Puffy and GDE were persuaded to leave the congealing sheets and sagging air mattress for the floor of the living room, allowing Manhole and GF to reach nivarna themselves. Manhole could be heard blowing something, and one could just make out GF saying something like: "yeah, its really hard now...". No doubt it was the air mattress requiring a top-up. Now, in Glasgy Saturday is a time of celebration and celebration is always followed by a Vindaloo Curry washed down with twelve pints of lager. The body often refuses to retain this interesting combination and the still fabric of the night is torn with impressive recitations of the countries of South America - uruguayparaguayboliviachileperudbrazilargentina, Africa - malibeninbotswanalesothonamibia, and so on, and of course every foot of pavement is prettily enzyme-etched and decorated with technicolour yawns. And so it was with Goat Fucker - we all lay awake listening to the bowl-amplified recitation, a sort harooooom noise followed by a vraghhhhhhhh. Sleep proved difficult.

Upstairs Dangler, Cream Filled, Maple Schmekl, Porno Prick, Sex with the Beast, Low Blow, Cream Puff and Goes Down Easy bedded down for the balance of the night. Maple and Porno in swing-back chairs which reminded Maple of Turkish Airlines and catamites. We all of us lay awake whilst Dangler's farts could be heard filling his sleeping bag with warm air, Goes Down Easy kept hunting for something of Cream Puff's for so long that when the rustling finally stopped we actually started to miss the noise. At some point Plunger appeared in the room with his tablet and started making notes - unfortunately for Cream Filled and Dangler he fell asleep leaning against the bookcase and fell full length on their reclining forms. This earned much sympathy for Dangler and Cream Filled and drew energetic applause from everyone else.

Dawn finally broke and we were rewarded with this disturbing sight: who am I? Where am I? WTF? In any case, a good time was had by all, well done Plunger and congratulations of reaching your 50th - we can hardly wait for the 51st!

Next week's run will No.1313 and will be hared by courtesy of Captain Hymen Grinder. Is this an auspicious number I wonder? On On!

Dec 3 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1311 of 1415, Saturday, 03-December-2011
at
Canyon Height Elementary School, Highland Boulevard, North Vancouver
by
Aw Fuck It & YFI



Kiss My Hairy Ass Cheeks, Maple Dick, Henrik, Dangler, Scrum Guzzler, Low Blow & Lucy, Sheep Shagger, Abysmal, YFI (hare), Impaler, Squid Lips, Special Needs, Goes Down Easy, Aw Fuck It (hare), Comes Naturally, Banshee, Porno Prick, Beheader, Analyser, Plunger, Cream Filled, Roast, Until Next Week, Maple Dick, Pigeon Stool, Trevor (later), Goat Fucker & Manhole (later) - yes, folks, that's a staggering 24 hounds, 2 hares and three social climbers. The weather co-operated and provided nothing short of spectacular conditions for a hash run - +3C, dry and the odd glimpse of a pale sun.

Aw Fuck It and his inamorata set this run employing only good thoughts and organic beer. I shall let our impressions speak for themselves. We set off into the gullies, ravines and valleys that N Vancouverites have used for centuries to travel amongst their tightly knitted communities, crossing the odd bit of asphalt now and again before plunging back into the bushes and along side the babbling brooks, sighing streams and placid ponds that dot this part N Van. Upper MacKay Park first, then back to the creek, and emerging on Skyline before dropping back down for the beer check off Mount Royal - 8.5 Km according to some, but I would guess about 10+ Km.

The usual suspects, notably Maple Dick, failed to find the beer check, it being hidden beneath a canopy of trees at the side of the road. Happy slurps could be heard emanating from the quivering bushes as the hounds sucked greedily upon their cans of fresh, cold, beer, moistening fistfuls of those weird Pringle chip-thingys that come in tubes of cardboard and that seem to be made of the same material as those very same tubes.

As the dusk drew in we adjourned to Canyon Heights Elementary for Down Downs and various punishments were handed out for all sorts of infractions: Scrum Guzzler is returning to Nebraska and Henrik is going with her before returning to Munchen, Low Blow is playing at the Bistro tonight and needed her whistle to be wetted, and so on and so on.

At last we set off for Pemberton Station for beers and buns, followed by a trip to Chez Banshee for beer and finally to The Cottage Bistro for an evening of culture courtesy of Low Blow and her band, The Nightcrawlers (?). Manhole has been released from her penitence in 100 Mile House, but only for a probationary period and must retrurn before dawn on Monday - I don't know who Dawn is but I've heard that she is a bit of a goer.

Comes Naturally was cut-off by the Bistro after what seemed like only a few seconds of interaction with Yo-Yo and other staff members. Eugene wields his authority with aplomb and diplomacy but he also carries a big stick... Beheader came as some strange female that we have never seen before and our thoughts turned to Trevor...

All in all an excellent run followed by a splendid evening's entertainment with YFI performing acrobatically on the dance floor and a steady descent into rambling incoherence by the rest of us. Well don AFI & YFI!

Next week's Run No.1312 celebrates Plungers birthday - turkey, hot tub, cold beer and Cream Filled unrestrained by the prospect of travelling home with a small bladder and a long bus ride - yippeeeee! It doesn't get any better than this so be there or be square.

On On!

Nov 26 2011

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1308, 1415, Saturday, 26-November-2011
at
Iona Beach Regional Park, Vancouver Airport
8 Celsius, 92% humid, E winds of 26 Km/h, Rainfall Warning in Effect!
by
Kiss My Furry Butt

Captain Hymen Grinder, Hardon with Shitty and Roadkill, Kiss My Hairy Butt Cheeks (hare), Squid Lips/Freddie Mercury, Plunger, Dangler, Shagger, Aw Fuck It, Beheader, Malice, Errin and Murphy, & Porno prick all made it to the start of the run. We had set out hours before for the hard trek across the entire city, followed by the labyrinthine passages over and around the airport required to access this little bit of Vancouver tucked away on the shores of the deep, green, greasy Fraser River tributaries.

Massive sewer pipes march off into the falling rain, full of shit and destined for the mouths of hungry salmon and dungeness crabs. We assemble within the heated public toilets and occasionally look around outside to see if the pack has assembled itself. Finally, the moment comes. Kiss my Ass speaks to us in that way she speaks, and we are all deeply impressed both at her command of the lingua franca and of the traditions of the hash - flour here, ribbons there, checks, back checks, falsies and all that stuff: "... do not," she says, "run back to the car park when you pass by it, but keep going or you will miss the beer check. Oh, all the flour is on your right hand side, eh, except when it's on your left hand side..."

Indeed, she has pre-laid this run and is dressed in the style of Irene Cara in the seventies flick called FLASHDANCE. We are drowning in rain. Finally, the moment arrives and off we plunge into the wetness beyond the bogs. We traipse along the sewer pipe heading E and after a few minutes we dive off to the left and follow the fence line out to the North Arm Jetty and then NE until our hats float off.

Some pathetic specimens short cut, but the real men and Beheader plunge on whilly nilly to the end. Reversing course at the end of the North Arm Jetty and running in the sand back to the car park, and then we jink ENE onto the PLOO (pipe-line-ocean-outfall), rhymes with 'pooh', and plod along the causeway to the bus shelter for ample quantities of beer and chips.

Before not very long we adjourn to the men's bogs for warmth and companionship, but are persuaded against our better judgement to occupy the women's; which is totally free of odour - unlike the men's... Hardon is deeply perturbed by someone stealing his can of beer, and loudly curses them with long, hanging and very painful anal hernias, only to discover that he has in fact left his beer inside his vehicle. Hmmm.

Beer flows freely and we are all happy, and Kiss My Hairy Bottom receives 7/10 for a good effort despite mixing-up back checks with falsies, excessive distance (once) between checks and first flour, and finally for flouring a log which is busy floating off into the 'oggin - indeed, such is the poor mental state of certain hashers that they have to be restrained from plunging into the chilly waters. The Mou-Fuckers (have I got this right?) are proudly displaying their facial hair.

The hash trash is still missing, so is Goat Fucker. Man Hole is marooned in 100 Mile House. Hardon lost his keys and found them again, but had to blow Squid Lips to get them back. Luckily he is a swallower and finds that soup is all he requires at the On On On. We finish our libations and retire to the Flying Beaver for 22 oz beers and $15 burgers. Well done Kiss My Ass. Next week's run is somewhere else.

On On !

Nov 19 2011

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1307 at 1415, Saturday, 19-November-2011
at
Myrtle Park, Deep Cove
by
Cream Puff & Goes Down Easy

It is f'ing cold. The phone rings: "ya, this is Maple, whaaat ze fuyck is going on, there's no vone else here". Me: "Maple, did you adjust your clock?". Maple: "yeah". Me: "so why 1315 then?". Maple: "you mean its 1415...?" As a gesture of friendship I leave a little early and arrive to find Hr.Schmekl laying on his bonnet like a sheik in his harem, basking in the warm sunshine. Pigeon Stool is next and we realise that we have 190 years cumulatively.

Myrna (virgin), Kiss my Ass, Pigeon Stool, Impaler, Plunger, Mountme, Low Blow & Lucy, Shagger, Abysmal, Dangler, Maple Dick, Goes Dowwwwn Easy & Cream Puff (hares), Aw Fuck It, Beheader, Hardon with Shitty & Roadkill, I'll take the Fat Chick, Malice, Analyzer, Banshee & Porno Prick all made it to the run, that's 18 hounds and two hares.

Cream Puff & Goes Down Easy suddenly appeared at the edge of the circle, sweating slighting and adjusting their clothing. We stare at them hopefully, but they keep it on! It is quite chilly, probably right at 2 Celsius, we are impatient to leave, the whiners are whining... you know who you are, or do you...? Suddenly its time for the off and we stumble off after lengthy and precise instructions from the hare.

This is an area that requires a good bit of research to get right, but Creamy and Easy have put together an interesting meld of trails connected by short stretches of road that loops E towards Burrard Inlet, briefly S and then positively W across Deep Cove Road and N parallel to Deep Cove Road before crossing Badger through the centre of town into Deep Cove Park, Cove Cliff Park, up the cliff and on to the beer check. Alas, a few stragglers were caught where the in and the out trails passed close to one another, but the hares kindly uprooted the beer check from it's beach side pier head back to the park.

Anyway, all good stuff and much enjoyed. Hardon managed to perform a spectacular arse-over-tea-kettle manoeuvre, Beheader arrived late but somehow managed to find a trail, and a good time was had by all and at the end of the beer check we dragged the keg out of Hardon's vehicle for a noisy circle overseen by Banshee and then Porno Prick - this was somewhat foreshortened due to the quickly cooling temperature but everyone got their just desserts, even the bald mofoes.

The On On On was at the Raven. Next weeks will be Run No.1308 by Kiss My Ass and she is threatening to hold it at Iona with the O On On at the Beaver. Should be a good'un, so be there or be square.

On On!

Nov 12 2011

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1306, 1415, Saturday, 12-November-2011
at
Grouse Parking Lot No.2
by
Banshee

Gentlemen and Others, greetings from the warmth of my living room. So, Impaler, Aw Fuck It, Mountme (not in Sudan, yeah!), YFI, Shagger, Abysmal, Pull My Hose, Edmonton Cock Person No.1, Dangler, Curry Crotch, Girl from Edmonton with Nice Knockers No.1, M'Alice, Girl from Edmonton with Nice Knockers No.2, Pigeon Stool, Porno Prick, Pigeon Stool, and Banshee (hare) - and Hardon with Shitty and Roadkill, and Sex with the Beast who never even got out of the car, 17 hounds and a hare made it to the start of the run - 19 if you count the other buggers.

Just extraordinary weather: 3 degrees Celsius, driving sleet, and rain. Did I say it was fucking cold? The car park at Grouse was like the dairy cooler at COSTCO: one would only visit there from necessity or to follow a skimpily clad babe.

Banshee, our wonderful hare, suffered on this run. Firstly, his photocopied map on cheap paper from a well known American electronics company melted more quickly than ice cream in the navel of one of Roast's Cambodian 'charities'. Then, he became disoriented, fearful of Frodo's trees and worried that we might become lost under the forest's canopy he thought to himself: "yes, I will make them run on pavement" - bastard.

Finally, soaked to the skin, them, not me, we staggered off S, then E, then S, then W to the Cleveland Dam Parking Lot for the beer check, and finally back to the parking lot. We did not cross a trail, step on root, nor did we pass under a tree - the mind simply boggles: we could have done this in the place where Banshee parks his bloody car. Not everyone made it to the beer check, but almost everyone. Aw Fuck It and Porno Prick shortcutted, yeah, right, and ran an extra 2 Km - estimated run length 8~12 Km depending upon whether or not you subscribe to Shagger's GPS or to Pull My Hose' GPS.

Down Downs were accomplished from the rear of Hardon's vehicle, pleasantly warm and served with love and affection by the hare and his assistants. Not much was accomplished, it being cold and scary as dusk fell. Nervous laughter lubricated Dangler but the rest of us piled into the beer quickly - after all, carpe diem, the hare was punished, visitors received their libations, Curry Crotch was honoured for something. Songs were sung, Shagger went home, Mountme went home.

Abysmal and Impaler were heading Downtown across the Lion's Gate for a French-Movie-With-Subtitles followed by a sensual chocolate experience, but once within the grip of the Pemby all plans were forgotten. They are probably clasped in a deep embrace as we speak...

The Pemby has confusing complexities in it's menu: designated driver gets a free meal and drink, jugs are two for three but the third is loaded into the other two, etc. etc. Luckily we were able to quaff two of the enormous jugs and I'm sure that our waitress had other enormous jugs just waiting for us.

Well done, Banshee! Next week's run will be No.1307, hared by Cream Puff & Goes Down Easy
see http://www.vanhash.com/site/ for details.
On On !

Nov 5 2011

Sunday, November 06, 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1306 of 1415, Saturday, 05-November-2011
at
Douglas Park, Heather and 22nd Ave, Vancouver
by
Rump Roast

Roast is leaving for Thailand next week, he will employ prophylactics imaginatively to keep the free water out that is trying to get into Bangcok. Roast keeps talking about getting his bilges pumped, so I think he must be going to Bangcok to help drain the floods away? His going-away present to us was this nice run on a beautiful day which employed the hairy tennis ball technique and a tiny, 2.5 Kg bag of Robin Hood's flour.


Aw Fuck It, Dangler, Hardon with Shitty & Road Kill, Swish (visiting), Impaler, Abysmal, Banshee, Manhole, Goes Down Easy, Analyser, Sex with the Beast, Sheep Shagger, Victor (virgin), Roast (hare), Porno Prick, Do Me First, Low Blow & Lucy, Maple Dick and Beheader (later) - 18 hounds and a harer - all made it to the run.


The run started at the SE corner of Douglas Park and proceed S towards False Creek with a back check at the N end of the Granville Bridge. That back check directed the hounds towards the Cambie Bridge and thence wigglely-wagglely up hill on the E side of Cambie for a beer check at the school located at the NE corner and one block over from the park. Onlky one hound made it to the back check on the Granville Bridge, but almost everyone except that hound seemed to find the flour at the S foot of Cambie Bridge and only the virgin got lost... Estimated length of run about 13.5 Km.


The beer check was conducted with civility and chips and Shagger received much sympathy for somersaulting over his foot, twisting an ankle, grazing his knee and bleeding from sundry penetrations. Swish had got up at 0400 that morning and caught no less than 10 wonderful salmon which he thoughtfully released back into the Squamish River, AFI seemed slightly the worse for wear but WTF?


Down Downs seemed easier to deal with where we were so Manhole kindly brought the beer to us and we piled into it with reckless abandon to build up sufficient energy to overcome the chill which developed as the sun sank over the horizon. Manhole is feeling very sad as her cousin passed away suddenly at a very tender age, hugs and support, please.


We adjourned to the Fairview Pub for the On On On - all self-serve as no waitress, and enjoyed what Banshee described to us as the best hamburgers in the city. This may explain why Banshee is behind the camera and not a food critic in front of it.



Next week's run will be hared by Banshee and the location is to-be-advised - Manhole requested a trail run, and we echo her sentiments - what is the point of running on Saturdays if the best we can do is waddle around the city?


On On !

Oct 31 2011 Halloween

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1305 @ 1815, Monday, 31-October-2011
at
Phibbs Exchange, West Side, N. Vancouver
by
Low Blow & Do Me First

So, Pigeon Stool, Cream Filled, Cream Puff, Goes Down Easy, Do Me First! (hare), Squid Lips, Low Blow (hare), Goat Fucker, Manhole, Scrum Guzzler, Heinrik (virgin), Gary (virgin), Pylon & Pero, Aw Fuck It, Plunger, Porno Prick, Nick (briefly) assembled themselves carefully in the parking lot to the West of Phibbs Exchange. Sundry characters alighted or embarked on numerous diesel buses and it was bloody cold - 3 degrees Celsius!

Costumes ranged from the well worn, typified by Creampuff's appearance as a gay 1970ies skii-bum, through the slightly riske as personified by Manhole in dirndl skirt and splendid decolletage (big knockers, to you) and our ever-so slightly edgy Do Me First! in her skimpy cheerleader outfit mmmnn yum yum, and so on to farmer Bob/Chainsaw dude - Plunger, a friesian cow/Serbian sniper by Squid Lips, and then various disconcertingly elusive costumes with neither context nor message such as Scrum Guzzler, Heinrik, and Goat Fucker who came as a beer keg (I know this: it was printed in large letters on the front) with a sort of hunnish helmet on his head and so on. Pigeon Stool defied a catergory as he might have been anything from Pinochio-through-leprechaun-via Maid Marion-to-panto, but even he was outdone by Pylon who appeared to be dressed as himself.

Suffice it to say a grand time was had by all, although Low Blow had to deal with mawkish melodrama from the old biddies on the trails behind PETCETERA who determined that Low Blow represented a threat to society and societies animals which must be defended at all costs. This resulted in less flour and more purple chalk, both opf which LB used sparingly and to devastating effect

And, at the appointed time we left. Slowly at first at a slow trot and descending later into a shambolic ramble as the booze took hold.

The front runners missed the Lynnwood Pub check and were thus deprived of urgently needed amber nectar, but were instead rewarded with their own personal shot check (Fireball & Apple-vitz); which was in-turn denied to those that made the Lynnwwod Pub check. Low Blow's attendance at said Shot Check being mandatory as the trail was substantially unmarked thereafter and required her guidance to bring us through a difficult patch. The chilled hounds left the Shot check heading N alongside the River, beneath the highway and then E towards Seymours Pub and that was where them as wot missed the Lynnwood and the Shot Checkers finally met-up for more beer - yippeee!

After much imbibing we headed off slowly toward the beer check and Chez Blow. The beer check located cunningly behind Plymouth School. Those who had forsaken the trail made their own ways to Chez Blow and were found later soaking-up Blow-Family Chille Con Carne washed down with excellent ale. The Fuzz descended on us with unerring accuracy but were unfazed even though we were captured 'in flagrante' - they appeared to have better things to do relating to things that that go bang in the night. It was amusing to note a number of embittered dads striding up from the depths of the park below the school, their fireworks still dry and whole, having been told-off and sent home by said fuzz.

The, by now, weary hounds at the beer check having slaked their inner dry bits, hurried down the hill in the care of DMF! to join the party at Chez Blow for Down Downs followed by hot food and a thorough, unhurried, soaking of the interior parts with beer. Scrum Guzzler and Squid Lips drank from their new-ish shoes, and an award was given for Best Costume, unfortunately I don't remember who won it, even thought I was judging... So, thanks to Low Blow and the excellent Do Me First! for another Halloween Run, On On!

Next week's run will be performed by Rump Roast and will meet at 1415, Saturday, 05-November-2011 at Douglas Park, close by West 22nd Avenue and Heather Street in Vancouver West.

Oct 24 2011

The Vancouver Hahs House Harriers
Run No.1304 at 1815, Monday, 24-October-2011
at
Dusty Greenwall Park, Vancouver East
By
Porno Prick - Live!

The aging Prick has to leave ever earlier to escape the clutches of the frenzied hounds. Age, that is, together with 8 kilos of Summer fat.

Anyhow, 29 hounds turned-up: Joanne (Virgin), HooPoohGai and Helen Keller (later), Low Blow, Do Me First, Aw Fuck It, YFI, Maple Dick, Sheep Shagger, Pigeon Stool, Long Lay, Pylon & Pero, Goat Fucker, Manhole, Cream Filled, Goes Down Easy, Creampuff, Beheader, Plunger, Dangler, Captain Hymen Grinder, Ole Ole, Porno Prick (hare), Sex with the Beast, Pylon, Hardon, Special Needs, Horny, and four others whose names I have forgotten.

P2 set off promptly at 1805, dragging his huge sack of flour, and many jiggly bits which provide momentum and directional stability in certain (mostly straight) directions.

The run went E, back under the 2nd Narrows Bridge, up the scarp leading to the bridge pedestrian access and then S towards the SE corner of the PNE, under Hastings Street via that haven for graffiti artists, along the W side of Highway I to Anzac then E across the bridge and S again on the E side of Hwy 1, over the pedestrian bridge to the Pitch and Putt, and slowly back towards the SW corner of the PNE.

From there via all sorts of interesting streets and finally to the beer check at the NW corner of Burrard View Park. Est'd at 10 Km and no one caught the hare, though PLunger and Ole Ole were only about 2 minutes behind...

The beer check turned into Down Downs and the first and most important order of business was a memorial to the passing of Hardon's father, John, who passed away last week after a long and vigorous life. When asked to pay his respects to his Dad with a VH3 related anecdote, Hardon described how John was sitting on the can when suddenly AFI burst in, stripped off all his clothes and jumped in the shower leaving John hurt and speechless: "well", AFI said, "you're on the can and I'm going to use the shower so its all Ok , Ok?". He will be missed.

Down Downs proceeded apace with visitors from Toronot, Hoopoohgai and Helen Keller, and the Virgin, Joanne, and all the usual stuff. We adjourened to the Princeton Pub for the On On On.

Oct 17 2011

Saturday, November 05, 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1303 of 1815, Monday, 17-October-2011
at
Sperling School at Adair & Sperling, Burnaby
by
Pylon

Aw Fuck It, Goes Down Real Easy, Anne, Cream Puff, YFI, M'Alice, Low Blow, Shagger, Until Next Week, Long Lay, Ole OIe, Pylon (hare) & Pero, Do Me First, Captain Hymen Grinder, Maple Dick, Goat Fucker, Plunger, Manhole, Beheader, Squid Lips, Sheep Shagger, Hardon with Shitty & Roadkill, Porno prick - a massive 23 hounds and a hare turned-up for Pylon's early-pre-Halloween tour of N Burnaby along paths well trodden during 24 years of hashing.

Dusk came and went before the hare's instructions were cast upon the road in flour and small squares of ancient free chocolate wrapped in foil and knowing Pylon that means that flashlights are mandatory. Off we finally trot, E through the South Slope Neighbourhoods to the waiting policemen who in concert with Jack the Fire and Hazmat have been busy scraping and sweeping flour from the ground, no doubt in response to the busy bodies that lurk on every street corner.

Pylon has prepared exactly 21 cans of Kokanee for the 22 hounds, 1 can of Ginger Ale, and a partly consumbed pack of eight rice crispy thingies soaked in sugar. We are embarrassed by this arrogant display of wealth and after viewing Pylon's new lane-home which will free-up the house for further rental spaces, we slink off along the road, back to Adair for Down Downs.

Spencer finally achieves 'named status': Until Next Week or UNW for short. Low Blow's latest play is opening shortly, Manhole has almost recovered, Long Lay loses her wallet, and so on. The beer is good and flows copiously and we adjourn to the Hop & Vine at the E end of Halifax for the On On of 10c wings and cheap beer.

Hardon celebrates his birthday, and Beheader helped

Next week's Run No.1304, 1815, Monday, 24-October-2011 will meet at New Brighton Park and will be hared by Porno Prick.

AGPU Sat June 4 2011

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
A.G.P.U.
at Centennial Theatre, 23rd & Lonsdale, North Vancouver
by
Impaler and Dangler

What impresses everyone about our out-going GMs is how lopsided their arrangements are. Impaler, hardworking, diligent, imaginative, frugal and an awesome hare, and Dangler, lazy, unfocused, spendthrift, and scared of the woods! This is not to say the Dangler does not deserve praise, some of it of the highest order. In fact, superlatives are in short supply when it comes to describing Dangler's remarkable abilities when it comes to avoiding, evading, diverting and ignoring his responsibilities - he should work for the city!

Anyway, 'twas a lovely sunny day, the 'nucks are on at five, and steak and tandoori chicken are on the menu, a shit load of ICED COLD BEER is resting in AFI's capacious outdoor refrigerator, Impaler's delicious Greek Salad and Low Blow's choco-cake are on the side, and its election day.

The hounds mill around exalting their good fortune, couples like Plunger and Cream Filled, AFI and YFI, Porno Prick and Sex with the Beast, Impaler and Abysmal, Pylon and Pero, Graeme and Trooper, Low Blow and Lucy, Hardon and Chin & Sombrio, Captain Hymen Grinder and Maya to name but a few are cavorting in the sun with the likes of Malice, Maple Dick, Mad Dawg, Spencer (sans Long Lay who is off walking the west Coast Trail), Cream Puff (recently 'let go' and now available), Manhole, Analyser, Tucker, Beheader, Goat Fucker, Do Me First, Pigeon Stool, Shagger and others whose names have escaped me.

Impaler arrives in her chariot with lots of good news: cocktail check, Turkey/Eagle Split, Beer Check and AGPU. We are pulling at the bit, and she releases us onto the trail.

We cross Lonsdale S of Centennial Theatre and wiggle our way up toward the trails and finally adjacent to the Mosquito Creek stream bed and up towards Highway I. We are quickly on the Cocktail and enjoy Margueritas served by our GM. Cream Puff demonstrate how his hairy mammaries can substitute for pussy.

Pigeon Stool is practising his karate moves and butts a fallen cedar with all his might - the tree wins. Cream Puff carries his twitching body to the cocktail check and even a marguerita hardly relieves a cracking headache.

We finally get under way again and meet the Tureky/Eagle Split just below the Highway. Plunger, Analyser, Tucker, Malice and Porno take the high road and enjoy an outstanding Eagle connecting with the balance of the hash at the Beer Check. As usual, Maple Scmekl drives up in his vehicle, Shagger has missed the BC by a few yards, and Cream Filled is god knows where, but definitely lost, as is Graeme...

Graeme and Trooper were on the wrong side of Mosquito Creek, pursued by Pero, and upon seeing the rest of us on the other side, crossed over the creek except that Pero wouldn't co-operate - yes, he is his master's dog! G&T very graciously re-crossed the stream and kept an eye on Pero, finally rejoining us after much toing and froing on Lonsdale's sleepy streets.

So, Down Downs are AGPU and we get right into them as soon as we get back to AFI's home where the party is just getting going. Goat Fucker arrives with tandoori chicken and steaks and with one eye on the food and other on the 'nucks we get into the beer with a passion reserved for thirsty hashers.

Your new Mismanagement Team is as follows:
GM Shagger G Mattress Cream Filled
RA Captain Hymen Grinder, Seconded by Hardon
Hash Cash Dangler
Haberdash Pylon
Hare Raiser Plunger
Hash Beer Goat Fucker, with the possibility of relief at some later date

Downs Downs are becoming quite rushed as the 'nucks are up and the Bruins are buggered. The Tandoori chicken is excellent, the steaks are even better. A good time was had by all.

On On till Monday when the new GMs will hare the next run. Yippee!

May 30 2011

The Vancouver Hash House Harriers
Run No.1282 of 1815, Monday, 30-May-2011
at
Cutter Park "On The Res" in N Vancouver
by
Captain Hymen Grinder
Aw Fuck It, Abysmal, Banshee, Dangler, Roast, Plunger, Snag Bag, UK1, Finger in the Bum, I Like Crap, Graeme, Gioat Fucker, She's Ready, Maple Dick, AA, Shamu, UK2, UK3, Sex with the Beast, UK4, Lo Lo, Kreme Filled, Hardon On, Pigeon Stool, Low Blow, Do Me First, Captain Hymen Grinder, Long Bag (?), YFI, Who Dat?, Pylon, Shagger and Porno Prick

This is a record, 34 hounds and the hare. Well done! Nine visiting hashers from the Plymton H3, Plymouth, England, our very own Low Blow returnee from a debauchery in Belgium, her delightful daughter the ever so ebullient and slightly edgy Do Me First, Just Graeme with Trooper, no less than 13 wimmin, AA visiting from Calgary H3, and Thing's (Long Bag?) boyfriend whose name I forget.


Abysmal was there looking slim and lovely, and he paid for Impaler's dinner. Hmmm, what's going on there, I wonder?).

When certain hashers saw the run start there was a sigh, followed by a shrug, followed by "Oh, its on the Res. I wonder if he knows they don't like us?". And they didn't. Security was like a diaper - full of shit and all over our arses. He waited until we were mostly parked and, dragging himself away from a box of Krispy-Kremes waddled over and gave us the red 'ass: "you can't park here, no you can't park there either, we don't want you here, now get going". So, get going we did, and we parked in the sunshine at Stupid Store.

"Oh dear," we wondered what the fickle finger of fate had in store for us, but all went well.

The Captain was sporting an exotic arrangement of clothing including armoured knee pads which were spotted with his own blood! We eyed him warily, "what now?", we thought. But it was all right on the day. We set-off South past the golfing range in Cutter Park, the East into across the Seymour River to Maplewood village, and then a sharp turn Northerly and up Riverside Drive North of Mt. Seymour Parkway, West on Grantham Place and back across the river, and finally to the end of Hilary Place where we entered the brush on the river bank.

Almost immediately we came across the 'near shot check' mark and on we struggled until we found the hidden bottle and slurped down a slug of peppermint liquor. Then it was up, and up, and up the escarpment to the Capilano Uni Parking Lot, and from there a quick jog downhill to the beer check - Cariboo Cream Ale, Molson Light and water, with chips as filler.

So not much of run distance-wise, maybe 4 Km but the scarp was definitely worth the effort and very interesting - coming down there might be a whole load of fun!

On In back to Stupid Store, and then into the pylon easement for Down Downs and merriment. Maple Schmekl was at his best, singing and joking his way through an impressive selection of old favourites. Visitors, virgins, returnees and just about everyone was rewarded with a Down Down, and Shagger received the Hash Shit for arguing. After much rejoicing we adjourned to the Marina Grill located under the Second Narrows Bridge.

"Did you make reservations?", someone asked. There's that word again "Reservation". "Oops," we think, how will this go down. But once again The Captain's lucky streak was strong enough to overcome all obstacles and the wait staff greeted us like kissing cousins, and even persuaded the cook to stay and cook for us all.

Ah, the immortal Captain Hymen Grinder we are unworthy!


Next week is AGPU. The run will start at 1415, Saturday, 04-June-2011, at 23rd and Lonsdale in N Vancouver, and will be followed by feasting and frivolity at 344 E 21st, also in N Vancouver.

2011 Hash Words

Thursday, April 14, 2011

26-March-2011.pdf
02-April-2011.pdf
09-April-2011.pdf
11-April-2011.pdf
18-April-2011.pdf
25-April-2011.pdf